While working on a short story challenge earlier this year, I had a very bad day of tinnitus (not just the usual droning). So I decided 'why not write something about that?'. And that is how "The voices in my head" was born. Hope you enjoy... ;D DD The Voices in My Head The tinnitus was especially bad today. Usually it was only a vague ringing in the background, one I could easily block out by getting busy with work or putting on the radio. On a worse day I would try to drown out the ringing by listening to music via earphones. I always start with some pop before moving on to Classical. If that stopped working and the ringing worked its way through the blasting of the orchestras, I would try some alternative bands. When that didn’t work anymore I would use metal to try and drown the ringing while trying to keep my mind on whatever work I was busy with. At the moment it was working the deep fryer in a local fast food joint. It’s not that I’m not motivated, you see, but I do have some… issues relating to the ringing that makes me somewhat unwanted in an office. I haven’t worked in an office for over two years, and I admit throwing a brand new computer out of a fifth story window and then breaking the other computers on that floor is not a good way to act. And it sure doesn’t give out positive energy. I do not care. I heard the voices. And I am not crazy. When I turned on the new computer they were there. Babbling between the static-like ringing in my ears. Not saying anything much – not anything I could understand anyway – but they were there when the computer was on. They were gone when the computer was turned off. Yes, I understand now that I could just have turned the computer off and taken a sick day. But throwing a computer out of a building or smashing the cursed circuits and cards and whatever else constitutes the machine did make me feel good. And at least I took the anger out on non-living things. I could have taken it out on my colleagues. Had they ever thought about that? But here, in the kitchen, I could be in charge. The noise blocked out the ringing on most days. The earphones I wore almost constantly on the bad days blocked out the rest. And I could take out my anger on a new batch of fries every few minutes. I could channel the ringing out of my ears through my arms, and out of my finger tips into the boiling oil and let it burn away. I haven’t felt like attacking something in the three months I’ve worked here. But today I can’t get the bloody ringing to stop. I can’t get it drowned out. I have taken the meds. I have tried pop, Classical, alternative and metal. I have even tried singing along to the metal and humming along to the metal as if the right pitch will counteract the ringing and make it stop. I have even fried more fries that usual, channelling all the while. But it’s only getting worse and I’m getting agitated. Really, really agitated. I take the ear phones from my ears and tell Robby – who’s in charge back here – that I’m taking a tea break. I fill a paper cup with the sludge this place call tea and ad some milk and sugar to make it somewhat palatable. Then I step outside into the alley behind the restaurant and take in a deep breath of musty air. The smell of hot oil clings to my pores and gives me a daily headache, but today not even that takes my mind off of the ringing. I stick a finger in my ear and wiggle it around as if that will suddenly clear everything up. But, of course, it doesn’t. I take a sip of scalding tea. But the ringing gets louder. Like static when you’re trying to get to your favourite station on a cheap radio. Then it starts again. The voices. Or, this time, the voice. I look around to make sure that there’s no one else who is talking to me. The ringing comes back and is replaced after a few seconds with a voice speaking with a strange English accent. I try the finger-in-ear-wiggle again and then, suddenly, I can hear what the voice is saying. As if someone found the right knob and turned the volume up. “Hello?” the strange voice says, then clears its voice. “Hello, Sentient Being Residing on Planet Earth. We come in peace. I repeat. We come in peace.” Well, at least the ringing has stopped. http://bit.ly/gIy6p1
