I wonder as I wander ...

I would like a safe place for the not necessarily religious, to talk about philosophy, spiritual beliefs, interesting thoughts and experiences, observations about all of those things.
Specifically, I would like this thread to be free of polemics. ( Polemic is a form of dispute, wherein the main efforts of the disputing parties are aimed at establishing the superiority of their own points of view regarding an issue. )

Not a place to prove or bash. No hypotheses, theorems or proofs. People of all faith and no faith are welcome. It will not be a thread in support of or against any faith. If you take offense at questions about or questioning of your religion this thread is not a good fit. It is not a place to identify those in need of conversion and start work on them. And most of all, not a place for instructors or instruction.

Anyone want to join me?

What's going around in your head today?

 

Thinking about how I can be a candle in the darkness for others....

 

Anyone in particular or just as a general way of life?

I have a feeling you already are.

 

Good luck with that June because religion or God talk always sparks a debate on every website I've ever been on, and personally I take the approach that you're not gonna convert me into anything and I'm not gonna try and convert you - so there's nothing to debate.

 

I know but I'm thinking not religion, more just life question type things. Sometimes they border on the spiritual.

 

I don't think that's the intention of this thread. Actually it's the exact opposite, if you read what she says. It's not about conversion or debate or necessarily religion.

 

Oh no I wasn't thinking that Corona, but I meant that all the other threads turn into these loooooong debates with posts that resemble novels more than they do quick comments.

 

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2010-03/pb-wcf030810.php

I'm curious about this book even if I have mixed feelings. The premise sounds awfully controversial:

The brain creates religion and its varied concepts of God, and in turn feeds on its creation to satisfy innate neurological and associated social needs.

 

O.K. - back to meeeeee!!!!! ;D

Awwww....aren't you sweet!

I spent 25+ years as a counselor, working with clients and students. It was such a privilege to be let into their lives as they made significant transitions....I loved almost every single minute of it.

The "candle in the darkness" quote came from one of the older students I was working with. She said that was how she saw me. I was so touched....I always said that if I died tomorrow, I would go believing that this was what I was put here on earth for.

I think most of us have no idea how we affect those around us. The smallest bit of information can change the course of a lifetime, as can the tiniest bit of encouragement.

My challenge these days is to discover how I can be an encourager to those around me. (In case you think I am way too awesome, understand that I can also be Miss Snotty Pants. :)

What is my response when I hear someone's plans, dreams, ambitions, goals....do I blow it off and change the subject?

Do I say "Oh, cool" and then talk about me?

Or do I take the time to really hear what is being said?

Do I take the time to consider the impact of my words?

Do I reflect back the light I see in others?

It's a choice - every single day!

 

...and you were to me way back when!!

Just make sure you're not burning in a tiny closed space (if you get my metaphor!)...some people have the ability to suck the air out of a room no matter what.

 

Why don't you start, June. What's in your head today?

 

Oh, all kind of good questions! Got an errand to run, I will be back later to answer so I can be longwinded!

 

All right, while you are out I'll try to begin something.

Some of you may know that after 55 years I recently lost my mom. Now everything changes. As Winde recently said, our 'anchor' is no longer here, anchor being a good thing. I'm not asking about grief counceling. There have been sometimes since her death that the grief has caught up with me. But I am dealing with that as well as anyone can. But this event is really requiring a wholesale change in focus for us. We took care of mom. It took time and brain and soul to do that. Now those natural inclinations,
learned over several decades of experience, seem wanting for something to do, or some need to fill. And because we have no kids, all of a sudden one major reason for our life purposes just left one day.

So I know there are others who have gone through this and probably know what I mean. What was your experience and how did you fill that void?

 

There is a world of people in need. Do volunteer work. I can't tell you in what capacity, I can say for me that means working with children in various capacities, abused animals, special education, the elderly, the chronically ill.

Decide the charity work that speaks to you ... and start making phone calls. You'll find a place where your skills are needed.

 

Heartfelt condolences to you and Winde. I didn't know about the passing of your mom. I can only imagine the grief and the discomfort caused not just by losing your mom but a major purpose. I am assuming that both you and Winde planned your lives around your mother's needs so now that that is gone, you will (in time) have to find a new way of relating to one another as well as to your new lives. Sometimes we become dependent on certain schedules and plans so when they are gone, there is temporary confusion brought about by the loss of structure. There is urgency to rebuild because sitting still causes more pain. Sometimes you have to wait it out.

It sounds harsh to say look at the alternative....(because the loss of a loved parent doesn't ever have a bright side)....which could be something you and Winde develop that is exclusively yours - a project, a goal, a vacation or trip you never took because you were caring for mom. I have a couple of friends who got into scrap booking because it was a way for them to document their memories of and with their loved one.

Most of all it takes time to get over this sadness and perhaps for now mutual support (both emotional and psychological) could be your new purpose with Winde in order to find a new place of interaction. It takes time so take your time. Going from one situation to another without taking the time to care for yourselves may not be the best solution right now.

Deercharmer went through this with her mother. I hope she sees your post. I know she will have more concrete suggestions to offer.

 

Thanks, you two. You know, I work with things, build things. We do that for people of course, and that makes them happy. And we build some really nice things. But these days things just don't get it for me, to the extent that, honestly, some of the things that people pay us to do, I really wonder about. I don't have these incredible finishes in my own house. A lot of builders do.

So at this point in our lives, things, even being able to be creative, and to create, have lost certain luster. I mean, it's business, our business, and we have worked very hard. But sometimes I ponder doing something different. I'm sure we all do. But somehow you have to pull it off. I really would like to do things, rather than make things, for folks who need and deserve help.

But of course that doesn't put food on the table.

Anyway, those are some things rolling around in my mind today. Thanks for the kind sentiments. And thanks, june fot the opportunity to express them.

 

Henry, I offer sincerest sympathy on the great loss of your mother. It is indeed a huge void. Someone said to me that even if one wasn't close to a parent it is huge, and if you were then all the more.

Both my parents are gone now. When my dad died - my first parent to lose - I realized some things. I noticed that people at work who I didn't know all that well came up at a quiet time to offer condolences. Some of my closer friends didn't seem to take note as much. Then I realized, it was the ones who had themselves lost a parent who knew . I realized I had become part of a club I didn't know existed. I also realized that my own father had lost his parents but I as a child had no clue what that had meant to him at the time. Even so, I could now turn to his example of how to go on with life - with meaning and even exuberance. I'm rambling a bit as I tend to do when I think of the times at which I lost each parent. In each case there was a sign when it was time for me to stop grieving and continue on. I am not sure how long it has been since the passing of your mother. For me, in each case it was a few months. Many people I have talked to have had such an experience after a period of mourning and the emptiness that comes with it. In my father's case, it was spring and I drove past a park that was near to the house I grew up in. The trees were in flower, more beautiful than I had ever seen them in almost 40 years of watching them each spring. I felt an emotion that told me it was now time to move on. Different people would interpret that sign or emotion different ways but I knew what it meant. I don't know if you are past this point yet or not. If not, it comes and mercifully gradually replaces the memories of illness and decline with the memories of the best times and faces us forward with new enthusiasm to pay forward the gifts we got from our parents. I think you will just sort of know what you want to do with that emotional energy and time when the time is right.

 

It is a choice every day! And I find I have to remind myself. It's a lesson I have to learn every day over again for some reason. I must be a slow learner!

While I was driving up the road today, I was thinking of your question. I remembered a time when I got great help from an unexpected source.

About 10 years ago, I was at a family gathering and my husband's almost 90 year old aunt was there. We know each other to speak but not well. She asked what we were doing and I told her DH had retired, I was still working. This was not surprising since he is older than I and had reached retirement age. She said to me 'When are you
going to retire? I hadn't thought about that. I had thought about bills and obligations and pulling the wagon but I hadn't thought about retiring. Something about the way she said it said to me "I am thinking about you and you should be thinking about you." Now I don't know if that is what she meant or it was an idle remark to fill the space but I took it to heart and when I retired a few years later I felt no guilt or shirking, I felt like it was ok for me to do. That little remark made a big difference. That little bit of time she focused on me.

It seems like having an impact on someone has a lot to do with really being present when you talk to them. I was talking with a friend about a mutal friend who is a real gogetter. A very high achiever highly recognized in several fields, yet also very down to earth in other ways. My friend said ' When Ann talks to you she is totally present' and that is so. It is always a pleasure to be in her company and it is because she is THERE. Maybe there is a key there. When I am with other people, don't let two or three other thoughts be zipping around my head, don't entertain my insecurities, just be there listening and talking to them.

 

The bottom has fallen out from under you. It will take time. I have a feeling you and I have the "do" bug because this is how we cope. Sometimes you can't do. You just have to be. Not that you need to be told this but be prepared to experience a bunch of doubts, questions, confusion as you go through this process. It's not an easy one. You have your wife's love to get you through this.

 

This is a conundrum. Actually, to answer the question as the author states it, which came first religion or the brain, I think that is easy. The brain. But that is because he used the word religion which to me is the organization, set of rules for human behavior and so forth around a faith or concept. If he had asked, which came first the brain or God? THen you have a different question. It goes back to that eternal question that I can't get beyond, 'and what was before that?' No matter what the answer that question applies in my mind. And that always brings me to the conclusion that applying human logic, I don't exist (and neither do you.) In terms of the sequential nature of things that is logic as we know it, there can be no beginning but there also can't be something now if there wasn't something before. It's the point at which I admit I don't know everything, not something that comes naturally to me. ;D

I will go and reread the synopsis of his book as I skimmed it the first time and may have missed something.