I am here for a reason?????

Discussion in 'Your Living Room' started by dlbach1, Sep 27, 2006.

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  1. dlbach1

    dlbach1 New Member

    I feel like a broken toy that no one wants. It has been more than a week since my last bout (I am averaging one a month) but for some reason I am sad right now and still angry over this...this...Rollercoaster ride. I want off and can't understand why I am here. Some days I think I know, but... I am good at faking it with my neighbors, my congregation, even my doctors (including my Psychologist), but the fact is I feel so alone in this battle and broken beyond repair. I feel guilty feeling this way because there are those who have had Meniere's longer and worse than me. WHY?!?!? Why do any of us have to be here???
  2. cdedie

    cdedie Designed by DizzyNBlue

    OMG! You wrote down my thoughts in your words. I was touched very deeply. It truely is amazing how this disease, that won't kill us, can change our lives so drastically causing us to be pushed down in dispair. Sometimes I feel guilty for "having" this problem and causing my loved ones so much trouble. It is a struggle that some of us have to live with every day.

    But that is the point. At least we are struggling! I do like the days when I get angry and decide by gosh, I'm gonna do what I want! I just have to learn to pick and choose what I want to do and realize that I may have to pay the price. And if others can't accept that then... too bad!

    I don't know why any of us have to be here. But I can tell you if I have to be here... I'm awfully glad of the company I have found here! (and I know you didn't mean it that way) If there is 1 good thing to come of having this disease, it is to have found this forum. (I'm glad it's back up!!!)

    Don't feel guilty or depressed! Try to focus on the good days and enjoy them! Then when it's not a good day, well, just accept what you can and can't do in that moment and know that somewhere someone is understanding you and thinking about you. I hope that we can be here for you. Hang in there. :)
  3. dizzynana

    dizzynana New Member

    I know exactly how you feel!! But one thing you said really troubles me....Putting on an act for the doc. Please try to be very honest with this person, spill your guts and let them know what you are facing and what you deal with everyday. There may be a mood elevator or some other drug that could help you immensely. I've been there, so I am talking from experience....


    Lynn ;)
  4. pardonme

    pardonme Guest

    Leave your misery on the door step, open the door up wide
    Step outside into the sunlight, your symptoms do not hide
    Take them with you, show the world just how it is for you
    That regardless of the misery, there is hope in all you do

    Take your wobbly steps and wander anywhere you please
    When the symptoms come don’t hesitate to drop down on your knees
    Ask “Pardon me” to everyone, just so they will know
    That your ears are weak but you are not afraid to let that show

    Hide not yourself from anyone be proud of who you are
    You are strong and quite determined, that is how you got this far
    Let them ask their questions, don’t minimize, let them see the pain
    Tell them my life is hard, but I work at it, and I always rise again

    Some see Menieres as a weakness, but strength is where it’s at
    It’s like flexing all those muscles, we keep hidden under hats
    One must think fast, think ahead, with back up plans and more
    Be prepared, yet continue on, pick yourself up off the floor

    How many folks do you know that live with such a weight
    But hesitate to ever go anywhere near the starting gate?
    So take comfort in your courage, pat yourself upon your back
    Think of everything you have, and little of what you lack.

  5. NurseMom

    NurseMom New Member


    You feel this way, because there has been a major change in your life. It hurts to lose the person that you felt you once were, and no matter how much we don't like it-- in ways Menieres does change us.
    It's up to each person on how much we let this change us emotionally, but for me.... it made me realize all too well that I was human and that with this, I could not do everything and anything like I thought I could. It was a harsh reality check for me.
    I can't say much about hiding, I'm the worlds worst to put on an act like everything is ok and just go about smiling, but eventually that eats a person up on the inside and you have to open up and be honest about how things are affecting you. This is a chronic affliction....meaning that it stays with us and the unpredictability of it makes it all the harder. No one can know daily what each day will hold for them, but for many of us with Menieres-- waking up everyday and wondering if we will have symptoms is a true fact of life and it can be one that leaves us depressed or feeling a little blue.
    Don't feel guilty about venting because there are those who have had Menieres longer than you. I think the longer that a person has Menieres-- the more we learn coping skills and also for many of us, it does allow some of the worst symptoms (vertigo attacks) to settle down some and become less frequent.... although it seems to leave us with more hearing loss and tinnitus (which is frustrating, but less disabling).
    I do agree with dizzynana, please never hide your feelings from your psychologist..... that is what they are there for. They are medically trained and honestly-- if they are quite acute with their skills, they are probably reading right through your words too if they have spend much time with you. A person can only hide for so long until how they are feeling truly comes out.
    Many people who have chronic afflictions have to take an anti-depressant and don't let anyone tell you this is a "taboo" or bad thing. Sometimes it takes time to find the right one for a person, but if your doctor feels you need it, it might be worth giving it a try. This can help get you through the rough spots- and then you learn other coping measures and eventually things do get easier to accept.
    One thing that is VERY beneficial is exercise. It's great for the body and mind-- and actually helps with the serotonin release in your brain (which is something anti-depressants do also).
    But the most important thing, please know that you are not alone in this battle. This forum is a place where each one of us know what it is like to deal with Menieres-- and we understand and welcome you with compassionate and open arms.

    Best Wishes,
  6. Peanut Brittle

    Peanut Brittle My Twerple Has My Heart

    Dear Dlbach,

    I can't add much to what has already been posted, other than to quote MY "shrink" back when she was alive...

    "There are NO 'right' and 'wrong' to feelings. Feelings are YOUR feelings. It's what you DO with those feelings that has the potential for 'right' and 'wrong.'"

    Getting clobbered with a chronic illness is a life-changing event and we'd be inhuman if we did not react viscerally to these changes. It's gut-wrenching. It's not fair. It's painful, frightening, exhausting.

    But you're NOT alone. This is a very safe place to vent, kick, fuss, stew, and also where you might find yourself sharing triumphs, achievements, goals, tips, jokes, laughter, tears, more laughter, and wisdom you've gained by living each day as best you can, as genuinely as you can.

    ....and the cyber hugs here are the BEST.

  7. laurieb

    laurieb New Member

    I just want to say How much my heart hurts for you. I think we all know what you are going though,but I really think you should be honest with all the people in your life. Think of yourself, you can't help your loved ones if you don''t know what is in their hearts. Know that you are totally supported here.
    Take care and have a blessed day!
  8. tucker

    tucker The Meniere's DVD Guy!

    I can't add much either to what has been said. I know this is a really strange and difficult disease for all of us to cope with and our families and friends.

    I have more bad days than good, it has gotten to the point now where I can't even watch tv without the room going sideways.

    I try to get out in the public as much as I can, use my walker to stroll to the bus stop for appts, get the mail, when shopping. I get looks, sometimes comments.....that is life....just like in middle school I guess.

    I try to keep myself up, inform as many people about Meniere's and talk about it a lot. It has been really hard this last 3 weeks. Cried myself to sleep last week because I am so darn tired of this and they can't fix it.

    you came to the right place, lots of great help and friends, ask all the questions you want and feel free to rant too.

    Take Care
  9. gardenfish

    gardenfish New Member

    dlbach1, please read Stephanie's Skills For Coping With Meniere's Disease. It is in the Meniere's Database on this forum. There are two parts because of the length.

  10. SMC

    SMC Look for the footprints in the sand......

    Today you put into words what at least two of us are feeling along with you. Today you made me feel less alone in this battle. While it may not answer your question it does prove that you are here for a reason. Sometimes we are hit with things that are so far beyond our own understanding that we must simply rely on others to help us through it. That is what this forum is all about. Through the love, acceptance, and encouragement of these people you will find open arms for hugs and the understanding which can only come from those who are coping with this nightmare. I am in my 10th week of continuous episodes. My job is pretty much gone, my driving privileges (i.e. my independence) have been suspended and my life as I knew it appears to be over. My family is being understanding but others look at me as if they don’t quite believe that anything is really wrong. God help us as we struggle with the anger and frustrations to make it through yet another day. Remember, we come from many different places, but we all know the devastation of MM. We are one and we will see each other through. Here you can be honest. Scream if you want. Cry if you want. Be yourself. We understand. Lean on us in your bad days and lend your support to others on your good ones. There WILL be good days! ((((((((((((dlbach1))))))))))))))
  11. lil_dip

    lil_dip New Member

    I'm so sorry to read you are struggling with the ever so common emotional imbalance that goes along with mm. I went through my worst faze of this the later part of 2002 until early 2004. I even remember a nurse, who was prepping me for shunt surgery, said she was so sorry for me, and that there was a very high suicide rate with people with mm. Boy she sure needed a class in bed side manner! I know it does not seem possible now, but it actually does get better as time goes on, as the mm gets closer to "burn out". For some of us it takes a little longer, but it does get better. Sure my life has changed, but amongst those changes came a closer relationship to God, and to those who stuck it out with me! And also a better relationship w/ myself. Things that once seemed so important have definately been put in better perspective for me through all of this!
    Hold on, don't give up, and remember, we all have to go through the grieving process to get to the other side!

    God's Peace,
  12. cowcollector

    cowcollector Don't hug a tree, hug a cow!!

    it isnt easy but i try and take this trip one
    day at a time. my best to you.
  13. dmac

    dmac my sweet Holly

    ;D Here's a write up from a minister here on this website that is food for thought on this deal:

  14. beezer

    beezer New Member

    Hi, I'm new here. THis is my first message. I was diagnosed about 8 months ago and I hate this disease. Mine starting by only having one a month and now I'm having 2 and 3 a week. It is very depressing and I have to depend on people and I don't like that. I feel as I've lost control of my life and by god I want it back. I'm still working but most days I feel like I drag myself there and back home each day. After reading some of your responses I'm know I'm not alone in this and for that I thank you. I wish no one had this but it's nice to have someone who understands what I'm feeling to talk to.

    Thank you and I hope I get to know alot of you.

    Mary :
  15. Goomeri Spinner

    Goomeri Spinner New Member

    Awwwww Tuck :'( :'(

    Unfortunately there is just no answer to why this mongrel bites us :mad:

    Try not feel guilty though I do understand as I too have felt guilt :'(

    I have had MM for 35 years (bilateral for 10) but mine has been a slow progression of the disease and the time has allowed me to come to accept that MM is just part of my life now, but I so feel for those with a more aggressive form of the disease, as their lives get dispupted so quickly and I feel acceptance needs to come at a much faster rate for them and that would be so hard

    I've given up the faking and do like others, this is me now...accept it or not :)

    Please, please don't fake it with your docs or psychologist, it is so important that they understand just what you are going through and just that can make it better (I do take an antidepressant but it was started for for another condition but now that my MM has become more disabling, the psychiatrist wants me to stay on them and I'm going to, as I know they help a lot)

    Don't give up, the forum is a great place to vent and find the bestest support and new friends also and like CC says "take this trip one day at a time" try not to agonise over the "what ifs" and live life to the best of your ability


    2DAMNDIZZY New Member

    I know exactly how you feel. This horrible stuff gets me so depressed at times. I try and try to "act" like nothing is wrong but then I will have a terrible spell and it seems to ruin everything. But hang in there!!!! We are always here for you.

  17. Leon

    Leon New Member

    Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon. Just remember that we have our good days and our bad days. Try to enjoy the good days and forget the bad.
    Post whenever you feel like venting.
  18. gardenfish

    gardenfish New Member

    when I was healthy what you saw was what you got. Since I have had this beast of a disease you still get what you see. I am still me no matter what.
  19. Aladdin

    Aladdin Guest

    deep sigh and big hug
  20. Linda1002

    Linda1002 New Member

    When my bad times abate, I begin again.
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