I have just about reached the breaking point for stress. Had to put dad in a nursing home on Monday, Tuesday night he left the facility and a stranger found him looking for his car so he had to be put in the locked unit. He calls me every few minutes wanting to know if I am taking him home. I cannot go to visit him as he only continually asks where his car keys are, when I am taking him home, etc. He has alzheimers but still has memory of the past and enjoyed visiting with the other residents before he was in the locked unit. This unit is bad - only two residents there have any mental function. I feel so guilty but do not know what to do with him. My ears are screaming, I have had a constant migraine since Monday, think I am about ready for an anxiety attack or something as my chest feels tight, it hurts to breathe. Just can't cope with dad on top of my health issues. Please pray - I am beginning to wonder where God is in all this.
Hi Lorrie, God bless you with His peace. You are a wonderful daughter to your father. And think about what your father would want of he could say, and that is for you to take care of you, his loving daughter, his most prized possession. He would not want guilt for you. He would want peace for you. So you take the peace your father wishes for you, and you embrace it. And you pray that God send him peace to deal with all that he deals with in his present capacities. As the scriptures say, this too shall pass. It just hasn't yet. Lord, send your kingdom to abide in the presence of Lorrie and her dad. Be with them bestowing peace, health and understanding. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Amen
I would feel the same as you. Someone once said, "Let go and let God." It's out of your hands now. Hugs to you.
Thank you all, especially thank you Hank for your kind words. After I posted this morning I went to work. My first customer was a woman from my church who has vestibular migraine and we occasionally talk about our health. I told her about the stress I have been under and she said "that's not your dad, it's the disease, he wouldn't want you to worry if he knew what he was doing". I know I would not want my son to be worried or stressed if I were in that condition. Thanks all.
Hi Lorrie, prayers said and hugs to both you and your dad. Your friend from church is on target about your dad, it is not him talking it is that terrible disease. I lost my mother to alzheimers in January. I know the stages that she went thru and what it puts the family thru. If you want to talk or vent pm me, have cell phone will talk! Hugs Karen
I am very sorry for what you are going through Lorrie and we went through 3 years of it with my grandmother before she passed; and God never leaves you but he is not gonna magically just erase things from happening or taking place, but he will hold your hand and lead you past the crashing waves and back into the boat - if you allow him to.
Prayers to you and your dad. My nephew just went to live with my mom bc of the same reason. Do you think old pictures or something along those lines would help? Is he living in the past yet, total past? Or is he back and forth then and now? I'm so sorry. I've had to live to live with it through my grandmother and my 2 aunts and now my own mom.
Carolyn - he's back and forth. The first day in the facility I found him in the den area visiting with a man, talking about turkey hunting. He seems to have no immediate memories. At times he seems to answer questions appropriately, other times no. Since they have moved him into the locked unit he seems to have gone into a fantasy world. He kept calling me at work yesterday, leaving a message on the phone that said "Clarion........Clarion Motel......get me". This is a long gone motel in a neighboring town, he has never even stayed there but seems to think that is where he is at. I feel he was more at ease in the assisted living unit where he was for the first few days as my mom spent the last 2-1/2 years of her life there and he visited there every day so it is familiar to him. I knew this move to the lock down unit was a bad idea and told the supervising nurse but I couldn't talk them out of it.
This would be so draining to me. What energy that I do have, this would finish it off. You're such a good person, I know a few people that put their loved one's in nursing home's and never return. I hope all turns out well for you!
Here comes prayers, good thoughts, and anything else I can send. I know this is truly difficult. May you have strength, peace, and the understanding that we sometimes have to do things we hate doing. Coming to terms with that is what is difficult. May you feel His presence, mercies, and comfort.
Prayers for you and your dad Lorrie. If you ever need me, PM me and I will be there. If you need someone to talk to I'll give you my phone number. You are not alone sweetie.
Lorrie, I share your emotions. My Mom had Alzheimers and when I had to place her in a nursing home, it broke my heart. She too kept wanting to come home. Thank goodness, they did not put her in a locked ward. However, they spent a lot of time chasing her around. My Mom was a gifted musician and when she wandered too far and found an old piano down the basement, she started playing it. Within seconds, she had a large audience of residents and staff surrounding her. That's where she spent her days until she died five years later. My prayers go out to you and your Dad. I hope they get him out of that locked ward.
This is a very hard time of life. My heart goes out to you. I am saying a prayer that you find comfort and peace knowing that your job is just to do the best you can and some things you cannot change.
Lorrie, I'm so so sorry about your dad. Prayers for you and for him. Please take care of yourself and know that your dad and your Heavenly Father both want you to have peace. Try to get some extra rest. Kim
Lorrie, my heart goes out to you too. This has to be one of life's most terrible decisions to make and actions to take. So difficult and painful. Full of guilt and sadness. You're doing the right thing. You couldn't possibly take care of him yourself. He will be properly cared for and you will visit him. You know all this and I know it does not make it feel better. It's life, and it sucks. I think now and then that one day it will be me. I wouldn't want to be a burden to either of my children. That would be terrible for them. That would not make me happy. Life's passages are difficult. Prayers for you and your Dad. One time my parents and I went to visit my grandfather who had alzheimers at the nursing home, it was so sad, and when we went to leave my Dad said don't look back just keep moving. I couldn't help it, I looked back, and then he called and started running after us, my Dad was so mad at me. Then one day the Home called my Dad and said he got out of the home and had managed to walk to the McDonalds down the street in his hospital gown, walked through the drive through and wanted a hamburger. It was kind of sad, but it was kind of funny too. But that was my grandfather, he was a pretty funny guy.
You know, one thing that even we Christians forget is that, although the mind may be confused, the spirit is not. The spirit is perfectly lucid and understands. And as long as folks are alive in the body and mind, we can communicate with them in spirit. The spirit is not relegated only to communication with God. And what we communicate through the spirit are our heart felt feelings, concerns and intentions. So whereas it may be difficult to communicate with your dad's mind, there is no problem communicating with his spirit. Whatever your most heartfelt sentiments might be, you just direct those setiments your dad's way, and his spirit will understand. And I fully expect that you will receive some indication from your dad, right here in the natural, that your sentiments were received.
