Has your disease made you a better person?

I realized in my last reply I didn't really answer the question. Meniere's has not made me a better person. What it has done is contributed to my staying home much more trying to control my invironment. I'm not as outgoing as I used to be and my friends miss that part of me. They also understand why I'm not like that anymore. I'm not better, just different.

 

I thought I'd get in on this.

I don't think it has made me a better person, but different for sure. How can it not.

I try my best now to live every day the best I can, try not to waste any days.
I don't take anything for granted, especially family and friends. It would be a cruel thing to live with by yourself.
I try my best to be nice to everyone and appreciate everything they do for me/help me with.
I help others as much as I possibly can and give people, who deserve it, the time of day.

If I think of anything else I'll add it in

 

Peter, it sounds to me like you were like that before MM came along

 

I agree with Holly about Pete.

I try to be conscious of other people's needs. I know I do within my family. I have a very nurturing personality.

 

no it has not in anyway shape or form. period end of story...at least for me!

 

I agree wholeheartedly with Greg - same for me - no, no and no!

 

Put me down for a hell no. I worry about those who say they are better off for having this disease.

 

bulldogs, i would not say anyone is better off for having this disease, but myself as a person has definetly changed and a lot of those changes are positive. ie:
i thank god for every good day that comes my way now
i am more sensitive to other people that are sick and suffering, especially those with menieres
i am probably a morally better person overall

 

Good stuff Irelandman. You are an inspiration to many, myself included.

I could do soo much more to help others if I did not have this disease. I used to dream about taking underprivaledged poor kids from the inner city out sailing, fishing and even teaching them to surf.

My dream was to take 5-6 poor kids a year and sail down to the carribean and teach them the importance of teamwork, life skills and show them a world of possibilities. Maybe it was never meant to be, maybe it will happen, time will tell.

 

Can you pinpoint this to MM or would you have become one all the same on account of maturity, experiences, life in general?

 

I was so young when I developed MM that I cannot say for sure if it made me a better person. However, I think I could have accomplished more without it but as a person, I think I would still be the same.

 

menieres has not made me a better person, it has just made me "hear" things differently.....


literally....

 

Let's not forget about the million others aspects of life & its spectrum which may have influenced you while we've been suffering these symptoms!

Can I narrow down a positive or negative outcome from MM alone? Nup, the process has been challenging though, to say the least

 

It has made me appreciate life more and look at it a different way life can be taken at anytime and made worse without notice.

 

yes i could pinpoint this to menieres. before i got menieres, i wouild like to think that i was a person of good morals anyway. you speak of maturity, experiences and life in general which may cause an increase in good morals. I think menieres has at least accelerated what you speak of.
i got married to my beautiful wife in 2006, bought a nice detached house close to the countryside, career was going well, played squash at national level and rapidly climbing the ranks and was living life to the full.
in 2008 i had my first vertigo attack and was rushed to hospital in an ambulance. i put it down to something i ate from a restaurant the night before, docs in A&E had not a clue. i was sent on my way. little did i know what was heading my way.
towards the end of 2009 i started to get 3 of the bad vertigo attacks per week, this continued through 2010.
it got so bad i never recovered from attack to attack, i was constantly sick to my bones, could not look up or sideways without getting a massive bout of dizziness that sometimes led on to a vertigo attack. i was confined to bed and had to give up work, and sadly i had to give up life in general.
i became very depressed and began to get panic attacks. my whole life was falling apart.i even felt suicidal at times but never acted on those thoughts thank god. i had to move back home to my parents becasue it was so hard on my wife, this was my choice.
i honestly thought my life was over for good.
however, towards the end of 2010 i discovered this site and discovered that i didnt have to "live with it" as i was told many times.
i had one gent shot and started the joh program for added insurance. i am happy to say i now live a relatively symptom free and most importantly vertigo free life. life with vertigo or fear of vertigo is not good.
having gone through all of this, one could not but appreciate life a lot more when one is given their life back. this renewed and increased appreciation for life goes hand in hand with an increase in moral standards.

 

I replied earlier to this with a strong no. Perhaps I should elaborate since we all experience this disease and its impacts in a different way.

Before MM, I was a gym rat, an avid ocean kayaker, senior partner and member of the management committee at a very prominent and nationally known West L.A. law firm, an active volunteer in innumerable committees and boards for my alma mater, UCLA and for the University of California. My wife and I had a very active social life, went to movies, concerts, the ballet, all kinds of fund-raising events for different educational and cultural institutions in the greater Los Angeles area, and so much more. I was a very active and engaged father to our three daughters, did a lot of work around our home and gardens and the like, did frequent karaoke nights in a local bar near my office with some of my close friends among my partners after tough weeks at work, and did a LOT of public speaking on both law-related topics and other things to a wide variety of groups. I was noted for my calm demeanor, graciousness, civility, and most importantly, my infinite patience and empathy with other people. I was never too busy to help pretty much anyone who asked.

Post MM, all of that literally disappeared overnight. I could not drive, could not travel, found conversing incredibly taxing, had trouble concentrating, very poor short term memory (my memory had been legendary before MM; it made me a great trial lawyer and allowed me to greet people by name even after years of not seeing them, among other things.) And of course, afflicted with I am with the full panoply of MM symptoms, which have worsened over the years in all respects with no remissions and no respite, I have felt under constant, unrelenting assault.

The impact: I am now an extremely irritable, impatient, fairly uncaring, corrosively cynical person. Very judgmental about all those around me, invariably negative there. Helping my wife where I can, but too often grudgingly so. Anti-social, because of the physical consequences. Withdrawn, hermit like, always feeling put upon. You would not want to be around me much. Or at all. I do my best, but when major attacks hit, and they are frequent, I become a raging ogre, and have to banish my wife to be left totally alone. That she has stood by me all these years is utterly unreal to me. We do not fight per se, but I am not nearly as kind to her as I used to be, and as she deserves.

So that is my long answer to your question. Had I not been so much more before MM, and so much better a human being, I would not feel as guilty, defeated, and disgusted with myself as I do. I am glad to see so many of you have had different experiences, or perhaps the character to handle the blows better than has been the case for me. Maybe this little vignette will allow you to feel better about yourselves, knowing others like me are out there and you have avoided our fate. I truly hope so. Perhaps in that way I can atone a bit for the twisted thing I have become.

 

Brown:

i agree, i worry about those who say they are better for having mm or if mm has made them a better person. I was sooooo much more patient, understanding and giving before mm. Still try to be, but it is more of a struggle whereas it just used to come natural.

 

Brownrecluse your posts are always very touching because you are able to bring the true nature of suffering to the surface in a factual and brilliant way. You never come across as a victim but as someone who is extremely realistic.

Although we all have MM (or MAV), it is important to keep in mind that these are spectrum disorders and no two people experience symptoms the exact same way.

What is easy for me to overcome may be the biggest hurdle for you. I realized after reading your post that my reply on the cancer thread was unfair as I do not know the degree to which you suffer. I only know and own my level of discomfort. I owe you an apology. I have no idea how hard this must be for you so when you say it would be "easier" to have cancer or fade away if the opportunity presented itself, it is relative to your spot on the spectrum.

I don't know that diseases make us better people as much as they widen our horizons whether we like it or not. We are compelled to take in more than we ever wanted to and forced to know aspects of our character we may have done without. Is this better? Is this worse? I can't say. What I know for sure is that I know much more about myself on account of my condition than I ever did before.

 

I have learned so much about myself and my priorities since I've been off of work thanks to MM. Would I prefer not to have it, absolutely. BUT... I do, and that is not going to change. I try to focus on what I can do, and what I have, as opposed to what I've lost. It's not easy, no. I just deal. Some days are good, some not so good, and some are just terrible. That is life. Maybe's it's easier for having grown up with it, or maybe I'm a tough, stubborn bitch, who knows? All I know is that in a way, yes, I am a better person. I respect others who are ill, and realize that everyone is going through something in life. And when I am tempted to feel sorry for myself, I think of my cousin, who's more like a sister, going through gruelling chemo for a brain tumour that will likely kill her in short order, and I don't really feel like complaining any more. That is what does it for me.

 

would it be fair to say that those that have menieres and are relentlessly suffering from it would feel that this disease certainly does not make them a better person?
would it also be fair to say those of us that have suffered massively but have come out the other side and are now relatively well would feel they are now a better person due to the fact that their life was taken from them but now has been given back to them?
my experience is that the latter statement is true in my case.
ps. brownrecluse i totally understand your suffering and really do feel for you. i really hope you find the answer to the mystery of menieres in your particular case, and i hope your suffering will soon end.