Suicide, has anyone ever contemplated it as an end to this "BEAST" Meniere's?

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I understand that this is a very difficult subject for for many to address.
My only brother took his life last October, he could not cope any longer with the voices in his head that he had heard since the age of seventeen, he suffered from schizophrenia and died at the young age of 46.

When I lived in Canada, before I was DX with MM. I worked manning the phones at a suicide prevention centre from 12:00 PM. till 6:00 AM. two + years. (as a volunteer )
The phones rang all night and in this very large metropolitan city we were under staffed with only to on a shift.
I can recall one particular poor soul who had MM and said that they could no longer cope and wanted to end it all, I talked to that person for hours it seems.
We were not allowed to give our names, however that person had called back about a week latter, she had recognized my voice and said she was alright now.

I posted this topic as it was and still is very real to me. and yes I agree that it is best dealt with by experienced medical professionals...........however where do you find these people at 3:00 AM. (You don't) So I did exactly what I was trained to do............reach out and keep them talking as you assess the situation at hand.

I feel for the loss many of you have had.

"I also feel strongly, that this thread must run its course".

Larry

 

It's odd how threads are percieved as threats We all have the right to agree or disagree, to contribute or to ignore, to open or not to open. Your question is a valid one, posted with honesty and not in an offensive language. Talk of closing or deleting it is not appropriate. No one is forced to read. Or to visit this website.

Larry, this fellow Torontonian gives you full support.

George

 

I can't remember if I posted my suicide poll before or after the last crash. I believe it was some October that I posted.

It was a very low time in my life. What started out as increasingly random thoughts evolved into plans to make my death look like an accident. I my way of thinking (at the time) if the kids thought it was an accident they would not be as hurt. I really felt like my illness had taken every thing from me and that my children would be better off with out me. I don't even know why I started the poll. I guess I was just curious if anyone else felt like I did. What ever the reason, I'm sure glad I did because I planned on killing myself the next day.

It was Di's (NurseMom) post that became my life-line. She was the one who sensed what was not written in my post and her story expressed exactly how I was feeling. Other posts followed. Many of the people who have posted on this thread also posted on my thread. They gave me hope that there was life after MM (at the time I was sure I had MM) and that I would be doing unbearable damage to my kids by not being that for them. Pardonme (I'm pretty sure it was Pardonme) talked about what it was like as a child growing up with an ill parent and I began to see that having an ill parent was so much better then having no parent. Amythest's and others PMs helped me get through the next few days.

There were several others who's post were invaluable to me in my time of need who I would love to also mention but it would make for a very long post. I can't tell you all how much I appreciated the support I got. I really had no one else to turn to and I really don't think I would be here today if it was not for those posts.

Gwen

 

Thank you, Gwen. You've just stated one of the reasons I'm still here posting. I've lost count of the number of times others have reached out on this forum and in PMs for help. I'm glad I was here. If the tables were turned, I would hope for the same.

 

The arogance displayed in this serious discussion is saddenning. And the assumtion that these issues can be discussed like this is tragic.

None of us have the RIGHT to judge the sufferring of others or to speculate on whether MM is the cause. If someone says it is, ACCEPT what they say and offer them support.

To belittle the potential psychological effects of this or any other causitive situation by saying that it is not fatal, or by comparing it to terminal disease is sickenning to me.

I write this with difficulty. From a point in my life where my reliance on this site for friends and support is somewhat heightened. So I am to avoid this site and the support of my friends so that a few people can abuse a real and important topic of debate?

I did not ask for the debate to be extinguished. Just for us to have a pause in the situation. I think with the way that this thread is going, a pause for breath and reflection would be a good thing.

Still, what is intellectually stimulating to some, may be offensive to others. This thread has all the potential of becoming offensive. Yes I am angry. Yes I am grieving. Yes this is a raw time. I have had much support in the shape of PM's, My thanks to you all for that. However, if this thread is to stay, can the debate be carried out ith a little compassion and thought? Please?

 

I have full compassion for those who've been affected by suicide. It has occured in my family, though not recently.

As recently as two years ago, I was briefly suicidal. DH and I are childless, due to health concerns. We attempted adoption, only to have it fall through at the last moment, and the child be removed from our home.

That was so very hard to deal with. Counseling helped, a great deal. However, friends rallied, and one, in particular, told me to do this: Look in the mirror, and remind myself of where I'd come from, where I'd been, and what I'd seen and done. That, in combination with what with I'd heard at the dinner table growing up with two parents in the mental health field, worked the most.

I can cope with almost anything, after a brief, normal (as in to be expected) period of depression, such as being diagnosed with MM. (Actually, I had the depression before, and since I was able to talk it out here, was upbeat at the time of the diagnosis.) Yesterday, I was informed I have a bone spur that presses on my spinal cord, further causing weakness on my left side, and the great pain I am in often.

Am I happy about these conditions? No. But, I deal with them the best I can, and move on. I will get down about them, mainly because I know either or both will prevent me from working, eventually.

As a matter of fact, that is the biggest downer, the fact that I can't find a job. It seems I've been out of the work field too long. I'll just have to keep looking.

Suicide, for the most part, is preventable. There is that one time when it isn't. And, for each person here, or elsewhere, that one time is different. We simply cannot pinpoint what the trigger may be, as no one says "this experience will cause me to commit suicide".

 

I want to thank the people that have posted and also PM'ed me in support of this thread, I posted it 30 or so hours ago and it has received 1000+ hits and 100+ posts.

I feel the pain in the posts people are making, I also see people posting personal experiences (myself included) that have not been mentioned on this board before.

We are all here to support each other and also to help the newbies that drop by with their difficulties.

I applaud the "HERO MEMBERS" that have unselfishly sat by in observation when one of us members or newbies is having a bad time and needs their unbiased support. Again thank you, I take my hat off to you all. (you know who you are)

Be well / Larry

 

i am so sorry
sending you big hugs and prayers
xoxoxox

 

amen

suicide and depression are very similar topics...happy people don't contemplate suicide

xoxox

 

nassman is 100 percent correct - if someone is considering suicide seek professional help

but please do not diminish the help and healing of kind words and people who offer sincere efforts and time to listen - hand holding is needed as well

In my former job; there were 3 times where I negotiated with suicidal and homicidal individuals...interestingly enough all three people survived (as well as their intended victims) that they had no one to talk to but especially no one "listened" to them and that is what eventually sent them over the edge - "no one cared" mentality

what I'm about to post is a real life letter and event that happened approximately five years ago

"16 year old male juvenile" left this note on the school counselors desk - no one I repeat no one followed up with this juvenile

TO: Someone who cares
I need to talk to someone before I go crazy...please help me...I don't want to die

Sincerely $%#^

Approximately 12 hours later; I receive a phone call from the youth with his father on other extension - father has gun to his head as well as the boys - both survived - however; days later we retrieved the letter from the guidance counselor - when asked why she or someone didn't respond to juvenile - she said "i was busy"



T

 

Thanks George, lets see how it go's today, yesterday was a wee bit hectic to say the least.

 

Great post Pardonme.

Thank you to Gwen for sharing your story - it so powerful to read just how close you were to the end. I'm so thankful we could be there for you.

Chris - I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

Re: Suicide, has anyone ever contemplated it as an end to this "BEAST" Meniere'

After reading all the posts and trying hard to see the opposing view point I find myself standing by my original thoughts.

I find it rather arrogant when I read that we need to not shy away from certain topics and we need to shine the light on dark areas and come on out in the open with it. Who is 'WE?' and when does 'WE' speak for us all and why does 'WE' expect that everybody be on the same level and be on the same page on any topic?

If you want to get in depth on this topic there are hundreds of forums geared towards it. And my saying this doesn't make me close minded or afraid of taboo topics....I'm trying to be respectful of everyone because I see that not everyone is on the same level of 'getting with it.'

I bet there are at least 5 things I can do despite my MM that somebody else here cannot do. Would I be so arrogant as to say, well, these things need to be done and talked about so I am going to shine the light on them and you need to get out of your darkness and accept it.

As Chris said, what's crawling for some can very well be like jogging for others and vice versa yet there is this insistence that we be on the same page.

And what if some here are not so okay with the subject of death and dying and suicide? What if it is for whatever reason a triggering factor for their stress levels and consequently dizziness?

I'm not saying eliminate the thread, I'm saying show some sensitivity. Change the title perhaps. Take it to PM or MSN or Skype whatever it is that a lot of you use as means of communication outside of the forum.

What is the resistance in accepting that we are NOT all on the same level for a variety of things? Some are more emotionally stable and others are less. Will this thread and the opinions expressed on it make someone go out and take their own life? Probably not but it could give them a pretty bad day filled with anxiety and dizziness.

All I am saying is be considerate of all people and get away from that WE mentality.
As soon as people start of with WE, then there is a YOU and that's a dividing factor. Let's just look for a compromise is all I am saying.

 

Please tell me I'm reading your post incorrectly, and your not suggesting "CENSORSHIP" on this forum?

I have not read the rules of posting topics that are taboo recently, however if the topic of this thread is listed then I apologize?

Larry

 

Larry...I beg to differ. There is internal censorship on this board. If you don't agree with the majority you are ostracized. (spelling) I am proof of that.

 

The subject of suicide, and for some, even mental health, is anathema. Note, I am not bashing anyone who may feel this way. It is their prerogative.

Given that, though, others should be free to discuss it here, as long as it is allowable under the posting rules.

I follow this rule of thumb: If something/someone bothers me, I do not read that post/news item. However, that is me, and my choice. It works for me, yet may not for someone else.

 

Re: Suicide, has anyone ever contemplated it as an end to this "BEAST" Meniere'

Censorship by a third party or a moderator? Absolutely not!

Sensitivity and a sense of personal responsibility towards others...Yes.

I read Chris' post and I felt bad for what he was going through and I intend to honor his request so after answering your question Larry, I am finished with this thread.

My solidarity for what Chris may be going through when he sees the title of this thread is more important than my continuing to contribute to the thread. If you want to call that personal censorship, then I guess that's what it is.

I really don't have anything against you Larry. You're one of the few funny, supportive people on the forum who keeps coming back to talk about progress with anti-virals.

 

Happy people do think about suicide. I am one. I told my best friend that I had comtemplated suicide in my past a few times (I definitely have a chemical imbalance that kicks in) and she was SHOCKED. It is because I am happy that no one would guess. I don't talk about it to anyone but my hubby. i am 99% happy but if you have never felt deep, crippling depression that can come over you in the middle of a happy event, shocking even you, it just cannot be explained. Depression is a hard thing to understand. CEEKA, eternal hugs to you. No one should go through what you did. Blessings to you and your friend who got you through it. I'm glad I have all of you here! Lisa

 

Re: Suicide, has anyone ever contemplated it as an end to this "BEAST" Meniere'

Well I wasn't going to do this ...... But I can't believe the argumentative comments that are still being posted. "Everyone" has the right to their own opinion and if by chance it doesn't go with anothers opinion that "should" be okay in an open forum as Ray has made for us.

I've been dealing with depression for quite sometime now. Upon seeing the thread first I thought I wasn't going to look but decided to. Basically to see others thoughts and if they had ever contemplated it. How they dealt with it.

This thread didn't bother me, nor make my depression bother me no more than normal, nor did it make me anxious. I don't understand why people can't understand we are all different with different views and if an opinion really bothers you; say so nicely and then leave it alone if it upsets you that much. I don't know, I just don't like all the bickering.

I don't recall who made this statement "I follow this rule of thumb: If something/someone bothers me, I do not read that post/news item." Why can't we all try this approach?? I know it's worked for me many times.

I have chronic depression, yes I am being treated for it and have my hubby to talk to as well. Have I ever had thoughts of suicide? I've thought if I weren't around no one would miss me. BUT when I made that statement to my hubby and some family members I was "TOLD" otherwise. Is that considered a thought of suicide?? I was "Really" depressed at that time but I didn't/don't think it was a thought of suicide. I could be wrong?

Sometimes when my depression is really bothering me that thought tries to come back and I have to fight it or I get more depressed. Suicide is not an option for me, I'm not giving up that easily!!

I've had too many other things in my life before mm that almost drove me to it (divorce of a 11yr marriage, abuse, drunken x-husband) I survived him and all of that stuff, I can and will survive MM!! I said it way back then .... He (the x) always said I'd never make it ... I did it then and I will make it through this as well!!

Lisa said it all with her statement "if you have never felt deep, crippling depression that can come over you in the middle of a happy event, shocking even you, it just cannot be explained."

Pardonme very well said.

Gwen Thank you to for sharing.

Chris - I am sincerely so very sorry for your recent loss.

With all that said out of respect for the Chris's recent loss I will no longer be posting. I feel IMHO it needs to quietly disappear.

All are in my thoughts and prayers ... I'm thankful for the people I have met since my coming here.

Best Wishes