Suicide, has anyone ever contemplated it as an end to this "BEAST" Meniere's?

Discussion in 'Your Living Room' started by Caribbean, Mar 26, 2007.

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  1. dizzykat

    dizzykat New Member

    No, nothing that I would consider seriously suicidal, but I must admit several times during my marathon spins I certainly talked to the MAN upstairs and asked if He would just take me on home.
     
  2. oaktree8

    oaktree8 New Member

    Re: Suicide, has anyone ever contemplated it as an end to this "BEAST" Meniere'

    Seattlecam,

    You sound very stressed, and as I'm sure you know stress can make your symptoms worse. Just remember, it will get better, it always does. I know how it feels to feel hopeless and overwhelmed, but I promise you it will get better, and in the meantime we are here to listen and sympathize because we've been there and we know what it's like.

    Do you have a counselor or therapist you could go see? Or have you tried calling the suicide prevention hotline? I know that for me, when I start having suicidal thoughts that it's time to go get some help. Let us know what we can do.

    (I sent you a pm too)
     
  3. seattlecam

    seattlecam Man was not made for himself alone

    I not usually a fatalist.
    I have persevered the worst things and still I am one of those that find beauty in everything from the micro small to the everything about the universe, and everything in between. I actually stop and smell the flowers, watch the sunsets and mountains from 20 stories up in downtown Seattle. I love so much about life that it's contageous when I'm with friends and loved ones.
    But this Monster feels like I'll be useless to anyone if I can't perform as a productive member in society.
    When I'm spinning...I'm totally USELESS , embarrassed , and afraid that I'll be a pain in the ass to anyone that has to do choirs or help me. So far no one understands or can comprehend what this disease feels like. And I haven't had to ask for anything. I'm fortunate in that way.

    It almost feels like the calm before the storm, and a window of opportunity may close for me if I wait. I'm so afraid the rest of my life will be spent regretting not doing something when I felt the way I do these days. When I could "do something about it".

    When would you choose, (if you could), to go.
    On a nice sunny day that you feel ok.
    Or depressed , helpless and dependant?
    And spinning all the while.
    Feeling like you aren't going to make it isn't fun. Hurting loved ones hurts even more. Wanting, waiting to accidentally or naturally die SUCKS!
    Trying to do the right thing is the quandry. Which is the best, right thing...that's my big question.
     
  4. Red Barchetta

    Red Barchetta New Member

    No actual suicidal thoughts here...How ever, maybe some self-performed surgery, to remove the bad ear....I don't work anyway - and surely can't be a bother if it's not there....(hay just a thought, besides, I look at all the details on anything I do, and don't star anything until I have everything right there. For something like that, it would mean a whole lot I would need to acquire. Don't even have a surgical steel knife, let alone surgical clamps, local anesthetic, sutures, exc.)
     
  5. EARINGER

    EARINGER Pug-lover /M-C mechanic/carpenter/E-Bayer

    Suicide : H-M-M-M-- I had these thoughts when I was healthy years ago because I didn"t have that car or that house or that job or that wife or those kids , but then a little bump in the road called Menieres came along and I found myself fighting just to live or keep my health . I quit drinking , I quit my pot , my old "friends" ---I have developed a healthyer diet , and outlook , and quess what ? I still feel like crap !!! But this time around I want to live !!! Does God send angels ? Yes he does !!! He sent me this group when I was at a low point last month . Since then I have learned how alone I am not !!! Heck- I just found out Gardenfish inducted me into his "dumbass club". If thats not a reason to live , what is ? Thanx Paul !!! --Eric (Okie Model Dumbass)
     
  6. pocus

    pocus New Member

    Suicde? No way!! My good times are great, and the bad times aren't bad enough to consider suicide. I have three of the best kids in the world, a great guy, a wonderful family and now a loving step family. Sunsets are still beautiful, my cats are funny, I have a job I love...Okay I could go on for ever!!

    Yes I am like everyone here..I hate this stupid MM, but not enough to give up everything I have here on earth, and certainly not enough to cause my children to suffer through such a selfish thing such as my suicide. While MM may be a part of me, that's all it is, a part. Sure I am losing my hearing and may as a result lose my job. I can't always go out with my friends when I would like to. Sometimes the vertigo has me lying on the bathroom floor for hours, afraid to move. But suicide? No way!!! We all have people, things, etc in our lives that more then compensate for this illness. I know sometimes it is hard to see this during a bad period, but during the good times take stock of what's in your life, and try to focus on these things during the bad times.

    Suicide only serves to end your pain, but brings on a whole s**tload of problems for those left behind.
     
  7. dizzy teacher2

    dizzy teacher2 New Member

    ditto to Burd, when I had my first attack after being diagnosed with my "good"ear, I remember lying in bed and saying I'd rather die than live with this again. But, again, as someone else posted, I decided after I calmed down and went on Zoloft, that I was not going to let anything overpower me. I was going to win. F%&k the disease. And, I guess, I did win. I'm here, 3 years later, happy as a clam.

    Patti
     
  8. burd

    burd New Member

    Seattlecam, After reading your comment on suicide I wanted to tell you that many here have felt that way, and some still struggle with the thoughts. You aren't alone there.

    You will find out that this disease changes with time, esp. once you start figuring out effective ways to cope and what may be triggering your symptoms.

    Most of us get to that point of fairly successful management and live productive lives. For me, being chronically depressed before meniere's hit, as you can imagine, that made things very difficult for me and I was where you are now. I get into those very dark frames-of-mind still, but it rarely has to do with meniere's now. As someone else expressed it, I'm always knee-deep in the undertow.

    What helps, as far as bad bouts with meniere's, is to see the progress I have made, and with each bad spell of depression I go into, I think back over the span of time since my last bad spell and ask myself, "what would I have missed if I would have ended it back then?" That has carried me through many rough spells, not wanting to miss something good to come.
     
  9. nassman

    nassman Guest

    I just wish this topic would DIE.
     
  10. twinklenani

    twinklenani Guest

    Nope...not me! I have cried and wished my life would change, but I have too much invested to give it up now! I have a wonderful husband of 49 years...two beautiful daughters...two nice son in laws....5 grands...2 grand in laws, 4 marvelous great grandsons and a great grandgirl on the way! I want to be around as long as possible to experience what I have worked for all these years!!!
    *By the way, I found out yesterday, that I no longer, have menieres. My inner ear on the right side is officially DEAD! No activity at all, so I have a new situation to deal with. There definitely is no cure and it won't get any better! Blessings, twinkle
     
  11. Caribbean

    Caribbean New Member

    Ditto...
     
  12. patride71

    patride71 New Member

    i've felt that way both pre and post dx of MM....never would do it though. but sometimes i think it would just be easier if i were gone and then snap out of it eventually.
     
  13. DizzyDon62

    DizzyDon62 My Hearing Ear Dog Ember

    well I have been through some pretty bad times in 2000 my wife and 4 kids left me then she put them in foster care me being Bipolar I went out of control and made many suicide attempts even landed up on life support with 1. I went on like this for 3 years until my medications made me stable and I would like you to know this if you follow through with you suicide its a 50% chance that if 1 of your kids falls on hard time will chose the same path. When my shrink told me that I knew right then I needed serious help and I got it I went into a 6 week PTSD program at place called The Homewood in Guelph Ontario. Now nothing can bother me not even what this disease has done to me in 5 years so im deaf now im still alive and to me MM is a walk in the park compared to being unstable with my Bipolar. Also I think its time this thread is put to reast Don
     
  14. Verti_Geaux

    Verti_Geaux New Member

    I've thought about it. I'd never have the guts to do it though and I have a teenage daughter to raise, so I'd never do that to her or my family. But, I can truthfully say, I was so bad off in Mar., Apr., & May of this year., that I just wanted to end it. You'd only know how this feels if you have rotational vertigo attacks after attacks after attacks. I was having them about every 3 days. It was horrible. AND I've went through cancer before. Cancer was easier. Even through it IS life-threathening, MM was much worse than cancer to ME. Now granted, since my ESD surgery in June, I am doing SO much better!!!!!!!!!!! I thank God daily for that!!! But, I NEVER want to go through what I did this past Spring. I'm PRAYING and PRAYING and PRAYING!!!
     
  15. Julie

    Julie New Member

    Thanks for being so honest! I'm praying too!!

    Julie
     
  16. jenleigh

    jenleigh New Member

    I thought about it and tried but thank god I woke up because I have alot and the sadness I would of caused ,I just dont know it would of been awful,my husband knows about and my best friend they were mad now they are supportive JJjenleigh
     
  17. Caribbean

    Caribbean New Member

    Thank God you came around when you did...
     
  18. ToniG

    ToniG Guest

    or people could just......

    "If you or someone you know has ongoing thoughts of death or suicide or if a suicide attempt has been made, contact a doctor go to a hospital emergency room immediately or call 1-800-273-8255." or visit this site; "Depression and Bipolar Alliance" http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=crisis_suicide_suicide


    Exercise May Be as Effective as an Antidepressant
    http://depression.about.com/
     
  19. Moogs

    Moogs New Member

    On the average day I tend to fear that this beast might kill me ...on very bad days I tend to fear it will not.
     
  20. LisaB

    LisaB New Member

    I think it is supportive that so many here share that they have been VERY down, and yet, we all go on and fight, and find our way. Don thanks for sharing your experience....I think that statistic would make everyone think hard. I don't think it's bad to say we've had tough times. Leaving it unspoken doesn't help either. I had a doctor tell me that you CAN'T put the thought of suicide into someone else's head....it's impossible. So, we all share that we've struggled, and look how strong we have come out of these experiences, and also that we have strength as a collective body, friends to lean on. That can only be positive. :) Hugs to all, Lisa
     

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