Discussion in 'Your Religion & Spiritual Corner' started by Cara, Jun 6, 2008.
I am having rough time and need to re-focus.
Cara ~ thank you for this thread, bless you.
i need some today; yesterday i could hear, walk , and talk -
i should have given some back yesteray but ididn't-
today - hearing lost, balance gone, and feel hungover and dizzy
Yesterday will come back!
Am asking for one myself, not a big one, I promise to put it back when I am done, its just a little something, but important to me.
i will also include a bi g hug and prayer
prayers to you.
I need prayer for my mom.
I am giving my entire box to the believers here. I no longer need them, I am done. Take good care of it. And bless you all.
I want to apologize for the last post I made here. It was said before I had time to think. I still believe, I need to believe, its just right now, God seems far from me. I do not think he chose to be, I think I have just been feeling to sorry for myself lately and to angry to let him in. I am struggling and I am trying really hard with it. I think this is a good thread, so please keep asking. I will come around soon enough.
I am so sorry. :'(
Cara, reach in the box and take all you need, I have so many blessings and there's plenty in the box to share.
No need to apologize, we're all been there with frustration, and riding the pity train and the anger, every emotion there is, we all understand.
Good thoughts and prayers heading your way and a (((((((( GREAT BIG BEAR HUG ))))))))))))))
Thank you so much Loretta, frankly,,,I am sick of riding the pity train, I want off, just gotta find the engineer to stop the train, I will get there.
Months later, I decided to face my fears and attend a Lutheran Church that Ruth’s mother had recommended and was only four blocks from my apartment. Even though I wasn’t Lutheran, I decided to give it a try. Ruth and I made plans to attend the upcoming Sunday service.
I was nervous, but I did not forget my promise to God. Sunday morning Ruth called to say that she had been called into work and wouldn’t be able to accompany me to church. I decided that I would go alone. I left our apartment that cold Chicago morning, excited and nervous to be going back to church. It had been several long years since I had attended church. Since my mother’s death, our family had changed churches several times. It had been hard to get that comfortable feeling back, so my disenchantment still continued.
“We’re going to church,” I informed my two small children. Alexis grinned and struggled to keep her snow boots on. I smiled at my two beautiful children. They were the most important things in my life. Anthony was snuggled under several wool blankets in the stroller with his portable heart monitor machine by his side. Alexis was in a backpack on my back. I had not anticipated the snow so it took me longer to reach the church than I had originally expected.
“Oh well,” I thought, “better late than never.”
The outside of the church was extravagant and beautiful. I had never seen a church quite like this. Timidly I opened the outside door, and the heavy door creaked and moaned. Embarrassed, I slowly entered and stood in the foyer. It felt good to be inside where it was warm. I stood in awe of the beauty and splendor of the lavish red and green décor.
I removed Alexis from my back and placed her on her chubby legs. I held Anthony and his monitor with one arm and Alexis’ hand with my other. I apprehensively opened the door to the church, which squeaked as we entered. The sanctuary was just as impressive as the foyer.
Suddenly I felt underdressed and intimidated. I wanted to run, as several parishioners turned around and stared at me. I offered an apologetic smile. I approached the closet pew and tried to sit down, but it was difficult with two small children and a heart monitor. Two men in dark blue suits approached, and I breathed a sigh of relief because I thought that that they would be offering assistance.
“Thank you, sorry I am late, but we had to walk,” I offered as an explanation.
“You must leave,” the older of the two men informed me.
I thought my ears had betrayed me and with raised eyebrows asked him to repeat himself.
“You and your children must leave,” the man said in a monotone voice. I looked at him for several moments. He looked very stern and I wondered when he last had a bowel movement. I stifled a chuckle. The younger man leaned over and whispered something into his ear.
“You must go,” the man motioned for us to leave.
“Oh, you have a nursery for the children and me?”
The men looked at each other. “No, we do not have a nursery.” The older man grabbed my elbow and tried to escort me from the pew. I pushed the man’s hand away. He leaned behind me and grabbed Alexis’ shoulder.
“Do not touch my children or me,” my voice trembled with embarrassment and anger. As I found myself having to leave, I searched the pews for a friendly face. Anthony started to cry, and women and men turned in their pews and glared at us. I beckoned Alexis to hurry.
The men continued to speak, but I did not listen anymore. The beauty and the splendor of the church’s décor did not match the faces and attitudes of its members. I quickly left the church, tears stinging my eyes as the snow blew in my face. I covered Alexis’ little face with her pink scarf. Anthony had started to whimper. I realized that I had left the stroller at church, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to retrieve it.
“Please, honey,” I said as I stopped to catch my breath, “please, walk faster.” Alexis tried to run, but the snow was too deep.
“Momma,” she cried out as she tumbled head first into the snow. Anthony started to cry in earnest. I tried to comfort the children but was unable to do so.
“What happened, God? Why wasn’t I allowed in their church? Am I not worthy enough to be in their precious church?” I mumbled as tears stung my eyes. “Why am I being punished?” I demanded.
I lifted my daughter with one hand and tried to embrace her. “I might not be worthy enough, but my children certainly are.” I kissed Anthony as his tears turned to sobs. “My children deserve better than this.” I shouted. “Do you hear me, God? They deserve better. I will never set foot in a church again … after all it is in a church where I learned of my mother’s death. Where were you then?”
cara - so many times I've given up - moreso on religion or people who call themselves Christians - but I always knew/felt/sensed - KNEW - there was a God - I've had plenty of talks and arguments and pleas sent to Him - I know this isn't what you're going thru but I wanted you to know I understand - it's taken from a chapter of my book
Cara - why do you shut out the only one who will NEVER shut you out ? :-\ Whatever wrong did He do you ? I dont think that in your heart you really feel your anger is justified ....so you shut Him out , If you really believe that you have just anger you would be more than comfortable to take to Him all that angers you. Take time to examin this anger in the light of God's Word you might just be surprised at what that light will reveal to you then get up and go to your Father Cara He's just waiting to hold you in those loving arms and have some sweet fellowship with you.
Praying for you and sending big ((( )))) your way
I will come around, thank you for the support and thank you Aladdin for the story. I was not allowed to be angry growing up, so I just think its hitting now, I think the death of my mother and brother played a huge role in why my anger is now coming out. Probably becaue I am free from the two who made me hold it in. But I will get there.
I know you will sweetie, and we're all here holding your hand while you do it.
Taking one from the box, I will retun one later.
I hope that many of us are taking one from the box, there's sure plenty there to share and it seems to me that some may have forgotten that the box is here.
Sending up prayers for all who wish to receive. Dear Heavenly Father, bless those in need.
How I thank You, Lord, for having the power to turn any curse into a blessing for me, because You, the Lord my God, love me. (Deut. 23:5)