I got this email from a friend! Thought some of you may get a laugh from this.....I sure did! ;D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Subject: Note To The Bank Date: Mon, 26 Nov 2007 21:37:53 +0000 > 86-year old lady's letter to bank is shown below, it is an actual letter. The > bank manager thought it was amusing enough to have it published in the New York > Times. > > Dear Sir: > I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay > my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed > between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds > needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my > entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight > years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and > also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused > to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has > caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. > I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, > when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, > pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like > you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan > repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive > at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee > at your bank whom you must nominate. > Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open > such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact which I require > your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in > order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is > no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must > be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her > financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied > by documented proof. > In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number > which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter > than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses > required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they > say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. > > Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as > follows: > IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH > > > #1. To make an appointment to see me > #2. To query a missing payment. > # 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. > # 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping > # 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. > # 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home > #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is > required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that > Authorized Contact mentioned earlier. > # 8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. > # 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on > hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. > # 10. This is a second reminder to press* for English. While this may, on > occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of > the call regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an > establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish > you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year? > Your Humble Client > _________________ > If you lead and no one follows-you are just taking a long walk...John Maxwell
