Musings from the Invisible

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

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Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

Eight and Nineteen: Years of Pain, Illness and Love of Life

Her cry was a plea. I had to answer. Dizziness and nausea prevented me from moving quickly, but I clung to the railing and I fingered the sides of the walls and made my way up the stairs to my wife. She was in bed and her face was blanched with pain. It was completely smooth. There was no spark in her eyes, eyes crippled with pain so fierce that it had washed away their color. I would like to say that I took away some of her pain or even that I understood it but that is not true. My own pain rose in my throat like some caustic poison, my pain of desperation and stunned helplessness. I felt guilty and hopeless because I could do nothing to help her, nothing except to love her. She wanted to die. I was sick but she was in agony. We were both sick, both struggling, both staggered with almost invisible suffering that threatened to destroy us.

Over time I learned to let go, to do things by myself even when she lay in bed crying and moaning. I had to to this because I was going crazy with grief. There were times when I thought I might return to find empty pill bottles and a corpse but she never did that to us, to me, to our daughter. She kept her promise to stay alive and she suffered for it. She still does every day and every hour. We have learned to pretend that she is not hurting, that I am not sick with this awful inner ear disorder. We live as if the pain is gone and in a curious way we almost believe it. We push and press the edges of our existence and wring every good thing from it. Her pain and my illness will never go away and they are always present. We deal with it. My grief remains but I have learned that desperation and hopelessness serve neither of us. I love her and she loves me, gloriously so. That is the remarkable place in which we live. It is the best medicine either of us has found and we partake of it liberally.

Paul Keenan Smith

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

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Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

NO REFUNDS by Ron

Lacking a sense of fulfillment
Leaves a hollow deep inside of me
Searching my whole life to find it
A quest never to set me free

I've tried to fill those empty voids
Sadly, depths running far too deep
Nothing I do could ever suffice
I am left with feeling incomplete

Only wisps of doubt fill the chasm
Repleted with envy and shame
I started out with great expectations
Disappointed with what I became

A child who never knew sadness
A teen experiencing minimal grief
An adult who's world turned empty
An outer facade with nothing beneath

No guarantee package comes with life
So things could be as they should
Woefully, I must face the reality
NO REFUNDS! for damaged goods

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

LIVE EACH DAY by Ron

Naught to gain from the morrow’s worries
Each morning hosts the rising of the sun
Anguish not over foolish, past mistakes
Learn from all that’s never to be undone

Seize quickly all chances to find happiness
Avoiding all that causes sorrow to the heart
Use the best of each day to fashion your life
Be one remembered as a “work of art”

Today comes around but once, my friend
Precious time, once gone, will never return
Use your new days in pursuit of happiness
Many friends to meet and so much to learn

Approach each day with a heart full of caring
Ignore frustrations, let them all slip away
Try not to dwell on the wrongs that you face
Never let anger ruin the beauty of your day

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

DOCTOR'S REPLY by Ron

I have listened to all the whining and rants
From your claims that we doctors are sleazy
My wife and children have to live in high style
Buying two new Mercedes a year isn't easy

Understand why we charge these large amounts
Just to smile and say "it's all in your head"
You may be deaf and have trouble to walk
Your spinning world still beats being dead

It upsets you to take all kinds of drugs
So here's something that will help you sleep
Drugs are prescribed and some even work
What's a few side effects as long as they're cheap

You stagger a little and fall down on occasion
You are unable to work for quite a while
You're sent to the surgeon and he operates
He too has a family that lives in high style

So what if they caused you a few side effects
And about the compassion you claim doctors lack
If you want compassion, go watch Dr Welby
So keep staggering and don't call me "Quack"

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

MISSING PIECE by Ron

I, have always been the kind
Who was shy and hid from the day
Always afraid to tell the world
What it is, I have to say

I, have always had this dream
It dwells deep down inside of me
I'm going to let it show, it's time
For everyone to see

This is real, this is how I feel
I'm exactly what I'm supposed to be
Now I've found out who I am
It's time to let the light shine on me

There is no way to hold it all in
No more hiding all that I want
I'm a unique and special person
With character I need to flaunt

This group is that missing piece
You are that shining star
Helping me to believe again
Happiness is really not that far

Finding friends who know what it's like
To feel all alone in the dark
To dream of a life that is again complete
This group has returned that spark


Even though, at times, it seems
That happiness is too far away
We have to stand up and surely believe
Each day is a brand new day

I'm going to be what I'm supposed to be
I'm going to let my inner light shine
I'm going to be that missing piece
That maybe some other soul needs to find


"Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles,
discouragement, and impossibilities.
It is this, that in all things, distinguishes the strong soul from the weak"

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

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Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

e.r. poems (five poems)

my safe place
frog song
emily rose
forgotten mary go round
Mary Celeste

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

I Slipped Away
Bramsey

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

Cara and the Bee by Gardenfish
Beloved
Soup Kitchen Angel


Once More by cara

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

episodes by Linda J. Weber

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

Hi by Anonymous

Meniere’s is cruel and I am not saying its a way to become a better person at all. I felt anger in your reply...there is much to be angry about. We lose so much because of this disease.

My Meniere’s and another illness I have, have played a part in me being more aware of how fragile life is. I am much more kind to myself and others. I truly am more appreciative of small pleasures than I was before. My ego needed some adjusting but there are many ways to grow and open the heart. This has brought me to my knees and pushed me to suicidal ideation at one time.

I am in no way wanting to compare me to you...we don’t know each other...I also don’t want to add to your frustration. For me its like the difference between never having had a thumb and learning life that way verses having a thumb and having it cut off piece by piece. Its required grieving over and over as I lose more hearing. I have suffered a lot with "why me" and its not fair, etc.

But pain in life is mandatory....suffering is optional. This is the only reality I have.

I wish that you find some peace in your life...as I know how hard this is.

I am far from being serene but i have left my bitterness and much of my anger behind.

(on-line forum Meniere's Sufferer)

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

Please make the correction I mentioned in the last line. Thanks!

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

sent you pm

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

sound of a heart breaking

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

Do you have a book cover?

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

perfect!

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

we're working on one but don't have template for 5.5 x 8.5 book - we're kicking around a couple thoughts - but appreciate any help we can get - getting the template is the key though....

 

Re: Book of Prose, Poems, Short Stories

You Ache So by Wobbles

Oh Body,
You ache too much.
You complain too much.
I go too fast,
On grounds uneven.

why do you ache so?

You say, I am your keeper,
Of rhythms and beats,
Of time immortal.

why do you ache so?

You say, I am your meaning,
I am your beacon,
For paths untrammeled.

why do you ache so?

Oh Body, You say
Your blood is gone,
Your arms so heavy,
Your legs too cudgeled,
Why do you dump on me?

You are my source of strength,
why show weakness to me?
You say I keep you safe.
But why do you shudder so?

I’d have gone to the heavens for you,
To plead your case anew.
Why do you ache so?

Oh Body,
Why hast thou left me so?


Musings by Wobbles

…I have to admit that I am not prone to depression and cannot fully understand what you are going through. However, I am old enough to have been through a lot of emotionally unsettling situations. I have felt my share of sadness; I even retain sorrows that will never fully go away. Nevertheless, I must say that I have always seen a glimmer of light even in my darkest mood.

But from what you are saying, I have the impression that you are on the verge of losing all hope and are reaching out to us for help…the fact that you are seeking help here is an excellent sign. Now you have to take it one step further and seek help from someone close to you, like your wife or doctor. You need someone to take charge and get you pointed in the right direction. We will be here and fully supportive while you recover from your gloomy state.


…with most gifts, it is the thought that counts and your thoughts are priceless…I thought of the affects of that famous photograph taken of our good earth from our faithful moon. For a while there, all of us knew that we were brothers and sisters on this planet, each toiling the earth while each looking to the stars. We were united in spirit. Thanks for wrapping my mind in your thoughts of togetherness.

…I certainly have chronic health problems, but I have, for the most, been able to remain reasonably happy, feel joy, appreciate beauty, love mental involvements and retain a sense of accomplishment as well as my sense of humor. You are right about the need to work for happiness when you are chronically ill. It takes a mental doggedness to persevere when being dragged down by poor health……from despair comes hope. With chronic diseases, one has to discover that all is not dark and cloudy. There are rays of sunshine. The trick is to position one’s self into the sun’s rays. You need to work to keep there.

…I think we all want to die peacefully and unexpectedly in our sleep after an evening of joyful celebration with family and friends. Alas, most of us will not follow this path. Instead, we will develop an ailment or two that has life threatening aspects…some days I feel the stress of having a fatal disease. Today is one of those days.


…I cannot think of the last time that I used reason to fall in love with someone. For me, I think chemistry plays the dominant role. It gets the dice rolling. Sometimes you get a lucky seven and other times you end up diced.

Anybody want to roll?

…I managed to go for a walk this morning along the Fraser River. It was a short walk, but it was most enjoyable. The air was still, clear and chilly, about 25 F, I’d say. The river was high and active with workboats going out to sea and coming home to dock. In the distance, towards the south, Mont Baker glistened with fresh snow. The air was very fresh, very countrified. All in all, I had a memorable walk even though I went slowly. I am going to keep walking until I drop.

…melting snow is soaking my feet, skies are graying my mind, wind is wildly whipping my beard,, and air is spitting at me. Do you want to change places? I am going to sit next to the fireplace and get all cozy.

…but I totally agree with the idea of us being on a planetary spaceship. We move through space at high speeds, we are on our own, and we need to be cautious not to harm our vessel. Without it, we are utterly doomed. The only place where the analogy breaks down is that we cannot accelerate the center of mass motion of our solar system. Perhaps a better analogy is that we are adrift on a boat in the cosmos. No matter what, at some point in the future when the sun cools and expands, we will have to abandon spaceship Earth to find new habitats.

…I live in a town called Burnaby, which has a population of 200,000. We are adjacent to the City of Vancouver on Canada’s west coast. The greater Vancouver district has roughly 2 million people, making it Canada’s third largest city. We have a typical northwest climate: rainy winters and dry summers. Due to the presence of the Pacific ocean, our temperatures are moderate with summer highs in the mid 20’s (high 70’s) and winter lows near freezing.

The natural scenery in this area of the world is absolutely breathtaking. We have snow-capped mountains that spring right out of the ocean. The skiing season often starts in late October and ends in early May. There are lots of hiking trails that lead to areas with abundant wildlife. Our oceans are full of salmon, orcas, seals, flatfish, shrimp and plankton. Our skies are constantly astir with eagles and ravens. Most of British Columbia is a splendid place due to its low population and the geology of the terrain.

Besides the natural beauty of the land, there is much to the cultural life in this area…the people are friendly. This is a city of immigrants and a city that feels itself on the move. It has a positive image of itself…I used to be able to escape this by skiing up through the cloud deck. Those were magnificent times for me. It is an unbelievable thrill to ski upward through the clouds and then break out into raw sunshine while being surrounded by peaks sparkling with fresh snow. It felt so great to be alive. I am blessed to have such memories.


…I used to tell my students that the mark of an educated person is that they know what they don’t know. Be intellectually humble and accepting of new thought.


*(contributed by a frequent mm.org forum poster) (or something like that)*