Mm and coping w/ children

Discussion in 'Your Living Room' started by saggy4, Sep 28, 2006.

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  1. saggy4

    saggy4 New Member

    how many of you have children and how are you coping with it , on your worst days.
    My Daughter is having a rotten time with it. I watch the kids on her bad days. for they are 2 and 3 years old. all she can do most days is lie in bed and sleep .
    she just found out 2 weeks ago she has MM.
  2. NurseMom

    NurseMom New Member

    Welcome saggy-

    Having children that age and being newly diagnosed with Menieres is not easy.... but I can tell you this-- she is blessed to have a Mom that will help her out.
    The initial stages with Menieres are usually the worst, because it is so much a trial and error phase. That is when you are learning how the attacks affect you, the vertigo is most often more frequent during that first year---and you are learning if there are certain things that trigger your symptoms.
    After awhile, you do learn to adjust.
    I had difficulty because I was still trying to take my son to school (he was 9 at the time) and had an attack in the drop off area where the kids enter school. I did not really have family support--- because I had lost both parents to catastrophic illnesses and my in-laws (well they never have been a support system).
    I'm not sure what I could have done with children that young...... here are some suggestions that might help..... put a small fridge in the bedroom and microwave with simple foods to fix.... and have toys and things the children can play with right in the same room with her...... even though she is sick-- she can still cuddle with them and turn the tv on for them. It's not easy- but I do think things will ease up some once she gets over the phase where she is having the acute vertigo attacks so often.
    But I just want to say thank you to you for being there to help her. You might not realize it, but this is the best gift she could possibly have.
    My son is pretty self sufficient now and I don't have the worries like I used to, I still of course get upset if I'm sick and can't go to back to school night with him or things like that-- but I don't have to worry about him not getting fed or his needs not being met.

    Best wishes for your daughter,
  3. AmandaJ

    AmandaJ New Member

    it's not easy having young children and having mm(or even the syptoms) i had a lot of days when i couldn't get up and do anything ,i used to have to order in dinner for them or get them to help me,my youngest at the time i first got bad was 3 and the other two were 5 and 7,but before that i used to get ill a lot with other stuff, i had to get people to help in the end because there was nothing i could do,but it made me appreciate the days where i was well and could get up and play with the kids.i think the first year and a half for me was the worst but my kids are so caring and sensitive to the needs of others now that maybe me being ill at the time did have some positive influence on them and now four years down the line my kids are very independant and if i am too ill the oldest will do a sandwich for dinner and they look after me as well as themselvesi don't have mm i was misdiagnosed, i have a lot of symptoms but i have other illnesses ,your daughter is very lucky to have you at least she doesn't have to worry about the kids with you around ,there are days when i wish i could just get up and be healthy and fit but you learn to adjust and things do get easier especially when you have the support.
  4. Dixie Chick

    Dixie Chick New Member

    I know it is hard having little ones and having mm. All my own kids are grown but I do take care of little ones. A 3,2,1 year old and in Dec I will be taking care of a 2 month old. So I know what your daughter is going threw. I just take it one day at a time and I do let the parents know that I might have to call them in the mornings if I cant get out of bed to take care of there children. I havent had to do that too many times good for me.
    But tell your daughter we are here for her and we all know what she is going threw and take it easy.
    You are a good grandma to take the little ones on for her on her bad days.

  5. Wobbles

    Wobbles Storm (April 15, 1992 - November 17, 2006)

    I don’t have children but I have often thought about how difficult it would be to look after them when my MM was acting up. One of things which gave me a lot of problems was hyperacusis. I would become very irritable over the minutest sound. I needed timeout from all activities.

    I applaud you for helping your daughter. With you as a role model, I am sure she will be doing her best to be a good mom to your grandchildren.

  6. Erosangel

    Erosangel New Member

    I have two children, they are older now 13 & 15. I understand that it can be difficult. They don't understand what is going on and sometimes it can scare them as well. They need to know that their mommy is there for them. She's very lucky to have you to help take care of them. Just try to help the kids to understand as well.
  7. Gwendelyn

    Gwendelyn New Member

    The first vertigo attack I had 2 kids 5yrs & 1yr old and I was pregnant with the 3rd. I remember being really scared because the youngest was getting into everything and I could barely stand up plus I didn't know what was happening to me. My oldest manage to coral him and drag him to the playpen and we got him inside. That took the last of my strength. I couldn't even manage to crawl to the phone for help so I laid there by the playpen hoping that my children were not going to see their mother die.

    I am very lucky. I did not have another attack until after the kids were old enough to take care of themselves (more or less). Now when I have an attack they (2 teens & a pre-teen) take care of me. The rest of the time I take care of them.

    When my illness got bad and I had periods like your daughter is going through right now, I use to have the most terrible feelings of guilt about not being able to parent like I thought I should but after talking to adult children of chronically ill parents I have been able to reduce those feelings of inadequacy.

    Chronic illness affects not only the person but those around the person as well. From that perspective menieres really is a "we" disease. I imagine that you must have many emotions that you are going through yourself right now. Please see this link. It is geared toward people with chronic illness but I have been told that it has been an incredible help to loved ones of the chronically ill as well.,82.0.html

    Thank you for being such a good mom and I hope that when your daughter is feeling better that she joins us too.

  8. abra

    abra New Member

    Gwen, thanks for posting that link. I had read it before but was in an earlier stage of it then (shock) and didn't appreciate it as much. I'm still in the early stages, no acceptance and hope here yet, but I do see myself in so much of what is written there that I have faith that those stages will come.

    As for coping with children, mine are older so I can't speak to young children...but to have a mom who will help out with them makes an ENORMOUS difference. My mom has come down to drive my kids places (or me to the doctor) and it is a HUGE help, both physically and emotionally, to know that someone will help take care of you and your kids when you can't yourself.
  9. Linda1002

    Linda1002 New Member

    My children were 7 and 5 when I was dx. When I was unable to care for them, I got help. They are now 38 and 36. If you ask them, they will say they don't remember. Children are very resilient. I think we worry more than they do.
  10. Kathclimbs

    Kathclimbs New Member

    Welcome Saggy,

    Posts along this line helped me immensely when I first found the forum. I have wanted to reply, but as the mother of 2 1/2 year old twins and a 3 1/2 year old, I don't often have the uninterrupted time to respond. And yes, menieres has complicated our lives. Children are very resilient (as others have noted). My girls were just 15 mos,15 mos and 27 months old when my first vertigo attack hit. I, like your daughter was most fortunate to have compassionate help, but many times, I had to cope until the help arrived. A year and a half later, my symptoms have calmed down to a more manageable level, and I have three young children who now demonstrate amazing compassion for others.

    Some of the strategies I practiced were to actually have help when I wasn't incapacitated. This way I had meals prepared (even if just PBJ), I had their clothes organized by sets that required little guidance from me when needed. Any neighbor could grab a zip-lock set and dress the girls. Much of my coping strategy revolved around preparation and lists others could follow. I experienced 3-5 attacks a week in my first several months, so my willingness to accept help was crucial for my children's safety.

    Things are much better now. I am pleased your daughter has you to help. I cannot imagine going through this alone. (And there are many here who have). Take care of yourself and I hope you get the help you need also.

  11. saggy4

    saggy4 New Member

    thanks all who replyed. I am trying to learn as much as i can.. so i can tell her more.. she was in bed last week 4 days. i told her i read 2 days ago about the gluten, to not eat oatmeal and that stuff, she looks at me and said no wonder i was so sick, my doctor never told me that., he told her no salt, chocolate, caffine. sodas, cant remember what esle, but he never told her oatmeal. so she ate instant oatmeal for 2 days and wham, she was flat in bed. with vertigo and spinning and getting sick.
    I went and got a free cane to put up for her for when the time comes she may need it.. and no i did not tell her that. I am trying as best i can... thanks all
  12. Willie Marie

    Willie Marie New Member

    Dear Saggy 4

    I want to thank you for being there and helping your daughter. My husband is a huge help to me and it makes all the difference in the world. Our children are grown so I don't have to deal with that but noise drives me nuts and I can only imagine what it would be like trying to let your children be half way normal but quiet enough to not drive you nuts at the same time.

    Physical therapy actually helped me a lot. It doesn't take MM away but it has helped me cope. I had a wonderful vestibular therapist who knew her stuff. She was wonderful.

    Thanks again from all of us with MM for caring and trying to understand what your daughter is going through. You'd be surprised at how few people try to understand--they think it is "all in our minds".

    Willie Marie
  13. survivedit

    survivedit New Member

    Saggy - I'll second what the others before me have said here - lots of good advice. I have 5 kids and it's no picnic trying to deal with all that that encompasses but it is do-able and the kids don't seem any worse for wear for it. If nothing else Meniere's can teach you to make the absolute most of the time when you're not being hammered.

    You are an angel for being there for your daughter. Having that kind of support makes an incredible difference for someone suffereing from Meniere's.

    Bob W
  14. dizzyshaney

    dizzyshaney New Member

    The thing I find the hardest with my 1 year old daughter is the bending down to pick her up. I have BBPV as well as MM so a sudden movement can be awful. I can't play 'rough' with her like her Dad can because I need to be sat still or stood still really. Also she has started to screech a lot and that is so difficult to deal with as I just want to shout at her to stop but I can't!! Luckily I don't have severe vertigo attacks very often and never drop attacks. Hopefully the hearing loss I'm experiencing will be a slow decline because my husband is profoundly deaf (not through MM). I wish your daughter loads of luck xxx
  15. jwebb

    jwebb New Member

    I have 3 kids and was diagnosed with MM about 3 years ago. The first 6 months were the worst for me.
    My kids were 4, 6, and 8 when I first started having attacks. I still feel so guilty about having this disease but I'm starting to come to terms with it a bit. I have had to leave more then one family outing because of symptoms.

    Your daughter will heal faster knowing that someone is there to take care of the kids. The stress and the guilt are very difficult. I didn't have anyone to come and take care of my son while the others were at school and had to rely on the TV to help me through it.

    My youngest is just 7 now and I still have attacks but the kids tend to understand that I'm out of the picture when things are bad. I have a husband that takes over and am thankful for that.

    My heart goes out to your daughter. It's not easy and most people don't understand the condition but it will get easier with time.

    Best of luck.
  16. Tara

    Tara New Member

    I raise my six year old on my own, and it's hard. Fortunately, he's quite sensitive, and has lots of stuff to keep him occupied. If I'm in bed, he'll come play in the room to keep me company, or snuggle in bed with me. I'm learning to always have snacks ready just in case, then he can get them himself. I don't really have much help, both my parents are gone, and no one lives all that close. Somehow, we manage though.
  17. carolyn33

    carolyn33 New Member

    Saggy, she is very lucky to have you.
  18. Bluesky

    Bluesky New Member

    My daughter was 1 when I became going on 10.

    It has been very tough..since there are times when Im very sensitive to sounds and screaming kids just crank up my tinnitus no end.

    I don't like kids now :D
  19. princessmommy

    princessmommy New Member

    My mom is a lot like the original poster, she lived very close and helped me on several occasions when the vertigo was terrible. I am SOOOO grateful for her. We recently moved about 45 minutes away and I am nervous about needing her, but she was there when I was going through the worst (hopefully) of it. I have had MM for a long time but it started to get really unbearable and untreatable when my kids were 2 1/2 and 6 months. I endured 6 months of horrific attacks, about 2-3 a week lasting about 4-5 hours in length, and I spent many days in the bathroom. Broke down and bought a Tivo, recorded all their favorite shows. Put the phone in an area when my 2 1/2 could get it (and give it to me) and I always had toys out all the time for them. If I was having an off day i'd take out 2 or 3 bins of toys that they hadn't played with in days and I rotated them this way. I was in a daze with all the Zanax I was taking, but somehow I managed. We bought some outdoor toys and my husband bought me a nice chair to sit in that I could have my head supported but still get out of easily and I spent many days out there with them.

    I kept a bowl and washcloth with some medicine (zofran, zanax) in the bathroom. I also had a ziploc baggie with "color wonder" markers and coloring books that I had in there too so if my toddler needed me, I could give her that and it would occupy her for a while. I also kept a bouncy seat just outside the hallway from the bathroom and put my baby in there. I had a bag of cherrios and snacks there too. I did need a lot of help and had a lot of help but there were many days that I just couldn't call someone because I felt so terrible asking people again and again to help. That is why my Mom was so crucial to my recovery after shunt surgery (which was terrible) and still a great support today.

    Your daughter is stronger than she thinks. The worst, after the veritgo and other symptoms, is the depression that comes from having your life completely not your own. Have her go see a counselor to talk if need be and I'm sure your love and support is extremely welcomed and appreciated! people on this forum are great and are willing to help as well, have her post and she will be surprised at how many people have been or are in her shoes.
  20. Seadog

    Seadog Ambidextrous dumb-ass with out coffee

    After a business trip 10 years ago I was walking down the stairs carrying a very happy little boy. Next thing I new he had a broken leg and I had a dislocated shoulder. Yup baaaad night.

    We scheduled my first shunt the next week.

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