Discussion in 'Your Religion & Spiritual Center' started by leviticus, Jan 23, 2011.

ATTN: Our forums have moved here! You can still read these forums but if you'd like to participate, mosey on over to the new location.

  1. leviticus

    leviticus Jonah's whale

    It amazes me how in just four words you can sum up what a Christians life is all about, and those four words have been around for a long time, and hopefully they are going to stay around!!
  2. Titus

    Titus New Member

    Hi Vic. God is always there for me. It gives me peace.
  3. Aladdin-Fae

    Aladdin-Fae New Member

    peace is better than anything - I 've found
  4. Daize

    Daize New Member

    God is with me always - peace is within me and feels warm.
  5. SMRoz

    SMRoz Coast Guard Dizzy! (Ret)

  6. joy

    joy New Member

    I could use some of that peace ... I'm still struggling. Not sure what I'm supposed to be learning or what He's trying to tell me or if I'm even the focus of this latest trial & I'm just getting hit by the splatter.

    Yeah, pathetic hijack. Sorry Vic but somehow I think you'll understand & won't get too upset with me.
  7. SMRoz

    SMRoz Coast Guard Dizzy! (Ret)

    Hi joy. Was thinking about you earlier today. Glad your still floating around. Nothing is easy and we are all flighting through this.

    Wish you the best. Hope your life is treating you well.
  8. Aladdin-Fae

    Aladdin-Fae New Member

    you know that nothing in life is guaranteed except death and some say taxes but I know some who don't pay or won't! :)

    To have the peace removed or slowly fade away is most disturbing. There have been many times in my life that the road was rocky and miserable but I had this peace that went beyond human understanding. I wasn't removed from the situations just felt a peace and a presence with me that I knew it meant I was never alone. I guess - what I am trying to say - is that I've learned to ask for peace and joy and compassion despite the situations I may face and although, my trials may not be removed or dissolved, but a peace to be a good and kind person and a testimony to others that despite our trials and journeys with Jesus we can handle anything that comes our way...
  9. Aliza

    Aliza I'm still standing, alone but upright

    On days like today I am easily caught up in the busy-ness of life. If I am not deliberate about it—if I don’t start with Him--the entire day goes by with only a slight thought of God. As the sun goes down I am left holding only emptiness. I find myself longing for words, yearning for His intimate conversation. If only I had kept my morning quiet time—perhaps then I would be able to cope better. But I didn’t. And the truth is…this happens sometimes. I try not to be legalistic and browbeat myself when it does. I know I am beloved no matter what. But I also know that I am the one who is blessed when I carve out quiet time with God. When I am neglectful of that precious gift, my entire day is thrown off balance. And I have to find a way to salvage my peace.

    Every morning I light two candles and say a little prayer, asking for peace. Every morning I pray that my flesh would get the best of me and I roll back over, fade off into dreamland for a little more peace. :)
  10. joy

    joy New Member

    A couple days ago I heard Him say "I won't take you out of it but I will take you through it." I know that should be enough to give me total peace ... but ... well ... I'm just not feelin it. I guess I'm just in a dark place right now. I thought after last night's church service that I'd shaken it ... but I don't think much has changed as of today.

    I'll be okay. I just need to roll around in the muck for a while & feel sorry for myself. ??? :p
  11. Aliza

    Aliza I'm still standing, alone but upright

    "I'll be okay. I just need to roll around in the muck for a while & feel sorry for myself. ???" :p

    Please read?

    What happens when there is no hope left? There is no where else to turn. Everyday is the same day, the same feelings, the same dread. I had no idea what life was or what it's suppose to be. Especially for someone like me, with no gifts, or talent. I'm not blessed with looks or personality or charisma. Life hasn't been too kind. I got trapped somewhere, some place dark a long time ago. I hated myself so intensely! I couldn't stand the sight of my own shadow or reflection from the mirror. What I went through was beyond my understanding and way beyond my control. Life is short. I wished it was shorter!

    I exemplified the meaning of lost, because in my life then that's all I was. I knew what I wanted, I thought that I was too stupid to realize I coudn't have it. And somehow I kept chasing my own tail. Round and round I go, it never stopped. I felt like I had no one. No friends, no family, no one to talk to. I kept the radio on all day just so I could feel I'm not alone. Silence is the worst! Oh I never wanted to be left alone with my own thoughts. My own misery!

    I had to keep in mind that there have been people before my time and after my time that have suffered greater. But to each their own hell it really wasn't a condolence to me. I thought having a terminal disease wouldn't be so bad. I had nothing to live for. I wondered if there was someone out there like me, who just realize they have nothing to offer the world, and nothing the world can offer them, and just have absolutely no purpose in life other than waiting to die. Because thats all my life was, just waiting til everything goes dark forever.

    I pitied my mother. She had no idea the atrocity that came from her body. Part of it was my fault. Forgive me mother! Part of it was the abuse I brought upon myself. I was weak, I hated, and I was vulnerable. And I couldn't overcome it. I could have been a good woman. I wished to be! I'm just a product of my enviroment. The results of what happens when you destroy someones dignity and heart. When your entire being is just destroyed.

    I've taken many drugs. I've had some counselling. But I realize there is no cure for a person with no soul. I've lost everything within me that mattered. I looked in the mirror and realize, I'm the worst of everything. A ugly woman that no one could love. Talentless! No passion for life! Just nothing there. As blank as my stare! I may as well not even cast a reflection in the mirror. There is just nothing left of me!

    I envy the normal. I just wish for one day I could live as someone else. Just for that day to feel what it's like not to suffer, not to be ugly, not to be lonely. I'd give anything! I wonder if there was anyone around that could describe it to me. From the moment I woke up, to the moment I fell asleep. What's it like having a life, a purpose, and a soul? Is it everything I ever dreamed it could be?

    All I had were tears and they fell and fell. And it didn't mean a thing. They served no purpose, they just fell. Endless streams! This was my life. But I couldn't accept it, so I suffer, and suffer. The headaches, the misery, the constant anxiety, the loneliness and the darkness. Always there! Followed me in my dreams, showed me terrible things. I would be awaken from a child crying in the middle of the night in their crib, then myself crying in my bed realizing I just woke up to this nightmare of a life that I had. I would lay in bed, squeezing my pillow, trying my very best to keep imagining how it felt to embrace someone I love. To hold their hand, to kiss again. Imagine life without those things, is there really any other purpose to live? The sound of my wedding bells gone forever, no screaming child needing me. No friends to confine in. No life, no joy here. A normal average life couldn't be anymore unattainable for me. Just a woman staring at a future of more suffering, more misery, and more lonliness.

    I talked to myself all the time. Convoluted conversations that always end up with no answers and no resolutions. What are you? What happened to you? Is it all my fault? Or is it really how the world sees you and has treated you. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I had so many dreams. Im sorry! Forgive me for being weak. Forgive me for not being stronger. But I coudn't change how the world seen me and I can't make anyone love me. The lonliness cut through me so deep. I fell in a hole a long time ago. Is there truly no way out? No hope for me? I really didn't believe in miracles. And I didn't believe in me. I was gone, and I couldn' bring me back. I lost me! I remember I was happy once. I squandered my life. I was in prison serving life. What can I do now? Is it already too late? So much fear. I had so much fear, so much anxiety. Where did it all come from? Is there anything left? I do love me. I do! I'm sorry that I hated me so much and for so long. It was because I could not understand me. It was because I was different and ugly and everyone else hated me. I believed them! My skin was so thin, I let them all carve me like bread. Abuse me! Gave me every reason to hate myself. I wished I didn't have to be me. Ugly, stupid, no self worth! All the essential ingredients for a miserable, lonely failure. I was born this way and there was no cure for it. I was born in a world where I could never find PEACE!
  12. Aladdin-Fae

    Aladdin-Fae New Member

    roll in the muck but stay out of the poop joy...but I wanted to share something with you - last saturday i had a nasty chicken that had somehow gotten herself caught up on a wee branch in the tree - one that stuck out wildly odd but just thin and long enough for her to perch...i noticed her in the early afternoon - i thought that she - well what the heck is a chicken doing in a tree? but anyways went to the lake ozarks and thought that I need to check on her when I get home (which was three hours) but surely she would have gotten down by then...well when I returned home it was near dusk and she hadn't budged! was she afraid of the snow or didn't like the cold I don't know ... but she was on such a wee branch she didn't have room to turn in many directions - all but one. as the dusk approached I knew she had to come down. she couldn't see the fields to her east, west, or north but only to the south and it appeared she liked or rather didn't know what was hovering around her north was a bunch of buzzards perched in a tree nearby and to her west was an hawk also perched just watching her...i saw the immediate danger and the bigger picture (field) but all she saw was what she could animaly see...straight in front of her... (kind of like we people who only see earthly things)...anways - i digress (sp)... I tried to scare her with noise (that didn't work and allmost sent me into spins) i tried to swat her down with a stick and rod - that didn't work - she wouldn't budge...she just kept her eyes forward and held on to that little branch...finally I was able to knock the very branch that held her completely lose from the tree - it shattered and splintered but it made the chicken move and move she did (after she clucked at my head) but she moved to safety...sometimes I think I have been like this nasty chicken not budging or moving - clinging on to my old branch even though dark was approaching and danger nearby - I couldn't see it so I was aloof to it - God has moveed me many times from my comfort zone to better ground even if it felt as though my whole branch world moved me to do so....i know this sounds silly but I wanted to share with you - osrry for the grammar - I have been a tad sick today!
    (aliza - I will respond to your awesome statemtns tomorrow when I can read and reply better...) xoxoxo
  13. Aladdin-Fae

    Aladdin-Fae New Member

    Aliza - I tried to read your words again but it is most difficult tongith and something deep within me tells me these words merit full attention and reading ability. I sense they are powerful, real, raw, and so true...until tomorrow

    J - just wanted to say to you - that darling sometimes the nights are so very long and dark that I have to search for peace...nights turn to days and days to nights - I am still searching for that peace...just remember to hold onto that promise of peace - even if it is not on the immediate horizon - never give up hope! my love to you both tonight....
  14. Aliza

    Aliza I'm still standing, alone but upright

    A, tomorrow is good! Feel better soon!
  15. lulu48

    lulu48 New Member

    Aliza ~ It was so painful for me to read your posting it brought tears to my eyes. I hope and pray that you don’t feel this way about yourself now. It sounds like you were writing about how you used to feel about yourself in the past perhaps?

    Sometimes we cannot see in ourselves what others see in us so let me tell you what I see in you. I see a person with a very giving nature. You are one of the first people to jump in and console someone when they are having a bad day. That to me speaks of someone with a very kind and loving heart. You have always been there for me and I thank you for that. You are generous with your compliments toward others here. You are a very gifted photographer with a wonderful eye for capturing beauty at its best.

    And finally, you are sweet, thoughtful and beautiful both inside and out. You have so much to offer this world and you are a valuable asset to this forum as well. It has been a pleasure to be able to get to know you. Always remember that God gave you this wonderful life and it is up to you to make the most of it that you can. It’s not always easy when you are fighting an uphill battle with such a horrible disease but it is always worth the journey in the end.

    Many hugs and prayers to you sweetie. :-*
  16. tm53

    tm53 New Member

  17. Aliza

    Aliza I'm still standing, alone but upright

    Hey Lu! Thank you!

    All is good with me! Hugs!
  18. rottiesrule

    rottiesrule New Member

    Aliza, I hope you're doing better after sharing your feelings. Hugs to you!
  19. Aliza

    Aliza I'm still standing, alone but upright

    I'm good! Thanks!
  20. rottiesrule

    rottiesrule New Member

    I've always found talking about things helped me to get them straight in my mind too. Have you felt this way for a long time? Sometimes a good roll around in self pity can start the healing process. But don't roll for too long, lol.

Share This Page