I have had enough I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN

I want to thank everyone that has talked to me on this board.. you have all been a great support, but I really cant take it anymore.. I want GOD to take this away from me. I cant stand the noise in my ears my head anymore I cant take the vertigo I cant do anything about this. I cant accept this for the rest of my life its not fair and its not fair to my husband to not have a NORMAL wife.. I cant travel in airplanes I cant take long car trips I cant listen to Loud music I cant drink alchol I cant do nothing. YEs today has been a bad day alot of fullness pressure and noise and dizziness so my specialist the other day and these were her words you need to learn to live with it. I am 39 I dont drive I have a driver that the state has given me for 35 hours a week. I dont have a life. Yes people are worse off than me.. they are dying from cancer and other diseases but you know this feels like cancer to me.. i cant get rid of it.. I really just want to take all my pills and not wake up..and see God and be with my grandfather in Heaven. This is hell down here.. we are all going through hell with this STUPID disease that cant be cured. I really dont know what to do anymore with myself. I just feel like dying today. Sorry this is so depressing.. but thank you for letting me speak what i feel everytime i have been on this board. I wish I could have meant one of you. Thank you danny for the dvd.. I really dont know how you keep going. I guess I am just weak. Goodbye

Love Alisa :'( :'( :'(

 

We have all been where you are right now. But, we are here today because we can and WILL surive if we believe we can. Life is hard no matter how healthy or ill you are. Remember that there are always good moments, and one good moment erases ten bad. Think of the smiles of those that you love and how your not being here would hurt them. I am here, God is here, and YOU ARE HERE. That is all that matters.

 

I want to say that I, too have had the same thoughts at early points of the disease. I want to validate your feelings. I know that there is a feeling that is like being at the bottom of a very dark deep well and not knowing a way out. There were times I prayed that I would die.
Please know that I am very concerned about you. Please tell someone close to you about your feelings. Ask for help. That is the one thing that is very hard to do, but a must when you can't help yourself and those feelings. Can your husband help you? (Mine couldn't-that's another story) Ask a good friend for help, talk to your clergy.
Please keep us informed-but there is only so much cyber-friends can do. You worry me. Please know that 11 years after the start of my journey with this I am glad I am still here!!! It' wasn't easy-but well worth the ride.

 

Dear Livestrong: I am 56, married 28 yrs. and 2 adult kids. I hate MM too, I have ringing and hissing in my ears 24/7 since 2000. I am on SSD since 2003. It is horrible, but, please don't despair.
It is very hard to live with this. I can't go to movies at all. Some people can manage, not me.

Life is good despite what you have. Your husband loves you, and his world would be empty without YOU.
When I watch TV, at times I have to close my eyes, cause of commercials with spinning, turning, and loudness. I can drive, but, when a police car or fire truck comes by, I cringe cause of the piercing sound.

Please know that you are loved, you have strong support from your husband, and here too!
Breathe in slowly and out slowly, a few times. Think of the fun times you and your husband have.

Please don't despair. I am here for you and we all are. Big hugs to you. Caring thoughts too.

daize

 

Beautiful post.

I'm also 39 years old and I was where you were at in 2002-2003. My turning point was walking into the toy room and seeing my then 4 year old laughing and giggling and thinking "how can she be so happy?". I then took back my life, baby steps, it's been a long struggle. But as Kay said " I am here, God is here, and YOU ARE HERE. That is all that matters."

 

Kay and Alfie - I agree and Know the feeling. Very good advise and I am very concerned also for YOU.

 

.

 

Alisa- do you want to come to chat?

 

Yes Alisa,

Please stay online and talk with us, many of us have felt your frustration. Things will get better, they always do.
OK?

 

Hi Alisa,
What a beautiful name! My daughters name is Allaura. Her great grandparents names were Alfred and Laura so we combined the two into Allaura. I like the name Alisa. Alsia, I have never written to you but my online name is PDA, real name is David. I tried what you are talking about today. 25 years ago my dad tried in a different way and succeeded. About eighteen years ago, I was having severe panic and anxiety attacks and attempted twice to bring an end to my pain. I had two small children and a beautiful and caring wife. I just couldn't handle it any more and so I took every pill in the house. They rushed me to the hospital and did all the things that they do for someone in that condition. My wife told me afterward that they told her that they had a pacemaker on stand by. I obviously survived and several days later re-attempted. I just didn't want to feel the pain anymore. But do you know what? At the time I didn't consider the pain that I would cause my family - the same pain that I endured and still live with when my dad accomplished his ending to this earth. Yes, we have incredible difficulty with this disease. It stinks! But the pain and suffering that is brought about by someone who ends their life is as close to "hell" on earth as I care to experience. I do not know if you have children, but I would give up anything to allow my children the wonderful opportunity for them to have known their grandfather, even if he would have had Meniere's disease. I almost gave them a life without a dad! Maybe you do not have children. Still, the pain, emotional trauma and struggle, (hell) that you will hand to your husband will be much much greater than a day with a wife with Meniere's. You are here on this earth for a reason and until God chooses to remove you from it - with this stinking disease - live it with all you have! "Tucker" is a great example. He was in terrible condition - and he got the medication that today is making him feel 300 times better! Our good days are worth living for! You have a part in this forum that can not be replaced by anyone else. No one else can fill your shoes. So please, do not ever consider removing the joy that you bring to this earth. Fight! Live life strong - conquer life with MM - do not let it conquer you. We are all here for you and if you need one on one help than seek and find!
I know that I am a "newbie" but I feel like such a part of this forum family - I check the website daily and look to see how specific people are doing. All of us at this forum care! Come on now Alisa - live life strong! I want to see a response from you soon! I need friends from this site too! Will you be one? PDA

 

Alisa -- I live in Windham, New Hampshire, my name is Ruth aka daize

I clicked on your poster name and saw that we are NH people. Wow!! Not many from NH .....good to meet a NH person.

Ruth

 

Posters here --- is she in chat room?

I am very concerned.

Ruth - New Hampshire

 

I wish for you wellness and prosperity. Blessings to you.

 

Alisa, how about we move over to chat and talk a little?

 

Does anyone have a contact number on her or any way of contacting her. This is not a cry for help anymore but to me it sounds like an actual good bye. There has to be someone who she may have contacted that may have some phone number or something. She needs help NOW. Is there anyway to post an urgent get everyone's attention type of message? I am just hoping that she may have given a phone number or address to someone. If she has given this information to someone PLEASE contact the police department ASAP.

 

We are in chat

All are welcome to join us

 

DizzyKat - I just asked my husband how far Epping new hampshire is from us here in Windham, NH and
he said 45 minutes.



daize

 

I can't get into the Chat room. Computer warning security.

Ruth

 

Ive been trying also, won't let me in!