Elderly parents

I've posted here before about the deteriorating situation with my parents. Dad is 90 years old and end stage Alzheimers. Mom is 86 and was diagnosed early this year with melanoma in her nasal cavity. She had surgery and radiation, but the doc told her "sorry honey, you will succomb to this." She developed a staph infection in her sinuses which was not diagnosed until this fall. She developed high blood pressure and was near stroke level. Now apparently the BP meds have caused a bleeding ulcer and she got so weak she was worse off than Dad. But trips to the ER did not reveal this until Dad fell down and injured his back and my brother had them both to the doctor again.

Today or tomorrow my Dad will be moving to a nursing home. Mom is unable to care for herself, let alone him. But she has refused help and our advice that she would end up in worse shape than Dad unless she allowed home health to come in, to accept meals, housekeepers and other services. My SIL would arrange for these services, and Mom would not let them in the house. She refused to put Dad in Depends. She got so depressed that my brother had taken her to the dr for antidepressants, but she wouldn't take them. She cried every day and didn't sleep at night.

At Thanksgiving I rode with her in the car, and that will never happen again! She is unsafe on the road. Anyway we are driving (3 hours) there to stay with her this weekend, first days alone without Dad. Consoling her in her "failure" to keep Dad out of the nursing home will be difficult. She had tried to get my SIL to promise never to put Dad in a nursing home. But without going into gorey details, they will surely do a better job of caring for him than she has. :'(

Please pray for my parents and my family. My great aunt is 100 years old and my poor brother cannot do anything or go anywhere without some catastrophe with one of the three of them. He needs a break too. :-\

I am majorly stressed. My mother is making this all so difficult. I can't even begin to give all the story so please pray. :-[

 

You and your family will be in my prayers.





Janet

 

My heart goes out to you, Sherry. {{Hugs}} :-*

 

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Prayers for your parents and for you to stay strong during this time. Donna

 

Oh, Sherry....you know I understand.....been there, done that.....

It may seem like the hardest thing to do, but moving your Dad to a nursing home is really in his best interest. The first night I moved my mom into private board and care was the first good night's sleep I had in a very long time.

Are there social workers at the nursing home who could help give you some insight into how best to deal with Mom? Or perhaps an Alzheimer's support group that could do the same thing? I'm thinking for you, not your mom...
Who will be looking after her if she is living alone? Will she be needing 24 hour care as well?

Change is so hard for the elderly. Fear makes them do and say crazy things. It's so hard, but we have to look beyond that to see what they're really going through.

You know I'm praying for you and your family.... :-*

 

caring thoughts and prayers to you.

 

Well Sherry,

I have a 95 year old grandmother that I look after (who can afford 24/7 live-in help, thank God). Nevertheless, I have to look over her and her affairs or otherwise everything goes into a tail spin.

I know exactly what you are dealing with. My gandmother has had total fits in making sure no one puts her in a facility. She has Alzheimer's, high blood pressure, macular degeneration, scoliosis, artial fibulation and a leaky heart valvue, a benign growth on her brain, arthritis, stenosis, etc., etc. And her attitude is one of reality and humor. When we discuss her malidies she simply asks, "What do you expect for an old lady?" Then I laugh between my tears.

It is very difficult what you are doing. I had to get my grandmother out from behind the wheel at 86 because she had run her car into the side of a bank building! It was total misery, but I did it.

So just know that I will be praying for you. And all you can do is your best dear.

God bless you in all your endeavers.

 

Hugs to you Sherry! I know how hard it is since I am dealing with the same issues and maybe then some. My father is moderate stage Alzheimer's but rapidly progressing along with end stage renal and uncontrolled diabetes. My mother is semi invalid, with all forms of arthritis, osteoporosis and mental problems. They are still living in the house that does not fit their needs and refuse any help from outside sources. My father would throw out anybody that we would hire to help with housework and making sure they ar really taking care of themselves. We have been hitting the brick wall with my mother for a year now because we could always get someone in there when my dad is at dialysis to do things but she even refuses that even though deep down she knows she needs the help. i hit brick walls with my sister too, there is a house right across the street from me that would be perfect, one level,handicapped bathroom, within 10 minutes of a dialysis center, all doctors a hospital but my sister says no because she is the one with power of attorney and doesn't want to relinquish that or have to drive down here to do things (it makes no sense) but yet she complains about having to do anything for them. she is not working, lives three blocks away from them and has no young children at home. my husband and I have no problem with having to shop and provide meals for them, take to doctors appointments as long as the doctor's are switched to our area. my father is the only one that has many appointments, he doesn't even know who his doctor's are anymore so it would be no big deal. But she says no. I have more pullover my mother than she does, but only if she is in my prescence. I don't think anything will change until after my father dies, I will just have the same meaningless,unproductive conversations until that time. It is heartbreaking, it is sad, it is aggravating, it is frustrating it just is. Try not to beat your head against the wall too much, it's an exercise in futility.

Joanne

 

My prayers are with you and your family.... I know it is hard...I am where you are at.

lillyrose

 

Today my father is to go into the nursing home at 1 p.m. so mother decides to give him a bath (she was the sort that cleaned house before the housekeeper came). Anybody who is familiar with Alzheimers knows that bathing is a major battle! So mom ends up passing out and throwing up. My brother was called from work to take her to the hospital as she is beyond being weak, and then take my father to the nursing home.

We are still going there Saturday to the bank to sign papers regarding releasing information on their care to my sister-in-law (brother has power of attorney) since mom can't remember what the doctors say when they call with test results.

My mother is going down fighting to the end. She will just not rest. The hospital will be the only way, other than tying her down, that she will ever admit "defeat."

 

Sorry to hear this HeadNoise. Hope things get resolved enough to that they will be well cared for and you all get a break.

 

Oh Sherry, it's not an easy road you're travelling that's for sure, my heart goes out to you all and prayers as well.
Loretta

 

Many prayers and lots of love.

lillyrose

 

Have a safe and productive trip, Sherry!

 

Sherry, what a tough situation. I'm praying for your whole family. Lisa

 

Mom received news from the biopsy on the masses in her stomach - cancer has returned. It is inoperable. They give her 6 months. She is very stoic about it. Refuses to listen to anything about God's comfort. Won't read anything we give her. She doesn't want anyone to help her, won't take her medicines.

I really don't drive long distances any more (3 hours) so I am checking into the bus. It used to stop at the turnpike exit, but I would have to find a way to their house. I don't think their town has taxi service and there would be the phone issue for me.

Anyway, my dad seems to be settling into the nursing home. I'm glad he was admitted before mom got her diagnosis - one less thing for her to deal with. Tuesday they had an Elvis impersonator at the nursing home and dad attended. At least he is getting more mental stimulation, eating better and is cleaner than when mom tried to care for him. Now she can't even care for herself, but won't admit it. Dad has gotten lost once. I requested an ankle alarm for him on the weekend, but you have to wait till regular staff comes in on Monday to get all those details lined out. His roommate is bedfast but mentally alert, and he said he would watch after him, so I feel better about that.

Appreciate your prayers.

 

Sorry to hear about your Mom. Dad passed in March from Stomach/esophogial cancer. I feel for you now.

There are pain patches that they can perscribe that don't have to be taken like a pill, just changed from time to time. At some point, she will want pain meds. This is the easiest and not impacted by nausea.

Want to PM me, feel free.

Tom

 

Thanks Tom, I may take you up on that. Mom seems to be going downhill fast. She has never even asked to visit dad in the nursing home - 67 years of marriage. Even though he has been a terrible challenge for her the last 10 years she tried to get my sister-in-law to promise she would never put him in a nursing home. My SIL wouldn't promise that. Now Mom is being very stoic about the whole thing. She hasn't called anyone to tell them (I did all her Christmas cards for her and included a note that she was hospitalized & dad in the nursing home, but not about the cancer because we didn't know the test results yet.)

Dad fell down in his room yesterday. Now they have a body alarm on him so if he gets out of his chair, the nurses are alerted. It's amazing how much he falls at age 90 and never has broken anything. He gets bruised up and sore, but he sorta just crumples into a pile. I guess that is a good strategy for those of us prone to falling - don't try to catch yourself, go straight down (as if we had any control over that).

More snow on top of ice coming here tonight. Hopefully we can make the drive Dec 22-23 for Christmas. All my presents I bought seem inappropriate now. Don't know what to do about that. Can't think of a thing to get.