Awakening - Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have

Now I know why I had such trouble in school and at the jobs I've always had. I've always wanted to know why, when a situation arose that I saw differently on. It got me into some trouble. Sometimes it was much appreciated. I've driven myself in the other direction. From being out going and feeling confident outside of my comfort zone to staying within the confines of what I can control. Away from the world. Kinda back ass words if you know what I mean. But I can at least say that I've experienced the tub in all it's scariest places. Now let me swim back to my corner...

 

January 10 - Akiba

~When Akiba was on his deathbed, he bemoaned to his rabbi that he felt he was a failure. His rabbi moved closer and asked why, and Akiba confessed that he had not lived a life like Moses. The poor man began to cry, admitting that he feared God's judgement. At this, his rabbi leaned into his ear and whispered gently, "God will not judge Akiba for not being Moses. God will judge Akiba for not being Akiba."~ From the Talmud

We are born with only one obligation - to be completely who we are. Yet how much of our time is spent comparing ourselves to others, dead and alive? This is encouraged as necessary in the pursuit of excellence. Yet a flower in its excellence does not yearn to be a fish, and a fish in its unmanaged elegance does not long to be a tiger. But we humans find ourselves always falling into the dream of another life. Or we secretly aspire to the fortune or fame of people we don't really know. When feeling badly about ourselves, we often try on other skins rather than understand and care for our own.

Yet when we compare ourselves to others, we see neither ourselves nor those we look up to. We only experience the tension of comparing, as if there is only one ounce of being to feed all our hungers. But the Universe reveals its abundance most clearly when we can be who we are. Mysteriously, every weed and ant and wounded rabbit, every living creature has its unique anatomy of being which, when given over to, is more than enough.

Being human, though, we are often troubled and blocked by insecurity, that windedness of heart that makes us feel unworthy. And when winded and troubled, we sometimes feel compelled to puff ourselves up. For in our pain, it seems to make sense that if we were larger, we would be harder to miss. If we were larger, we'd have a better chance of being loved. Then, not surprisingly, others need to be made smaller so we can maintain our illusion of seeming bigger than our pain.

Of course, history is the humbling story of our misbegotten inflations, and truth is the corrective story of how we return to exactly who we are. And compassion, sweet compassion, is the never-ending story of how we embrace each other and forgive ourselves for not accepting our beautifully particular place in the fabric of all there is.

 

Oh I love this one Caroline. Struggling to be the best me I can has been and still is a challenge for me at times. Not trying to live up to the goals and expectations of others. Feeling like just being who I am is enough as long as I try to be true to myself and be as kind and compassionate as I can possibly be towards others.

Thank you sweetie. I know you haven't been feeling well and yet you still bring us these lovely words today. Hope you are feeling better. Hugs to you. :-*

 

Caroline, I ordered the book from Amazon...I was so impressed that I ordered a copy for a friend as well. I want to let you know once again how much I appreciate your generosity in sharing.

 

It is my pleasure ladies, and the fact that you are all getting something out of it makes me happy as I am enjoying the postings right along with you.

Funshine I am sure your friend will appreciate it. But when you get your copy still stop by and give us your thoughts.

I am on vacation for a week starting Jan. 22 so maybe you might be willing to fill in for me and post the readings while I am gone, if you can't don't worry as I can ask one of the other ladies here to do it.

 

January 11 - Ted Shawn

~To know God without being God-like is like trying to swim without entering water.~ Orest Bedrij

Underneath all we are taught, there is a voice that calls to us beyond what is reasonable, and in listening to that flicker of spirit, we often find deep healing. This is the voice of embodiment calling us to live our lives like sheet music played, and it often speaks to us briefly in moments of deep crisis. Sometimes it is so faint we mistake its whisper for wind throught leaves. But taking it into the heart of our pain, it can often open the paralysis of our lives.

This brings to mind the story of a young divinity sutdent who was stricken with polio diptheria, and from somewhere deep within him came an unlikely voice calling him to, of all things, dance. So, with great difficulty, he quit divinity schood and began to dance, and slowly and miraculously, he not only regained the use of his legs, but went on to become one of the fathers of modern dance.

This is the story of Ted Shawn, and it is compelling for us to realize that studying God did not heal him. Embodying God did. The fact of Ted Shawn's miracle shows us that Dance, in all its forms, is Theology lived. This leads us all to the inescapable act of living out what is kept in, of daring to breathe in muscle and bone what we know and feel and believe - again and again.

Whatever crisis we face, there is this voice of embodiment that speaks beneath our pain ever so quickly, and if we can hear it and believe it, it will show us a way to be reborn. The courage to hear and embody opens us to a startling secret, that the best chance to be whole is to love whatever gets in the way, until it ceases to be an obstacle.

 

another good one!

 

agreed... ;D

I did a fact check on this one to find that it was Diptheria that he was strickened with and not Polio which is why I made the edit on it. It doesn't change the meaning of the post though.

 

Thanks, I wondered about the correction. It is a meaningful difference since polio paralyzes and walking after that is more miraculous.

 

That's true June... I fact checked it because I didn't see how it was possible to recover enough to dance after being stricken with Polio.

 

Actually some people did recover 'completely' although I believe it turned out most of them had problems later in life. Others never regained the ability to walk, such as FDR and the boy I went to school with for 12 years.

 

These are good

 

January 12 - Seeing into Darkness

~Seeing into darkness is clarity... This is called practicing eternity....~ - Lao-Tzu

Fear gets its power from our not looking, at either the fear or what we're afraid of. Remember that attic or closet door behind which something terrifying waited, and the longer we didn't look, the harder it was to open that door?

As a boy this obsessed me until I would avoid that part of the house. But, finally, when no one was home, I felt compelled to face the unknown. I stood before that attic door for the longest time, my heart pounding. It took all my small inner boy strength to open it.

I waited at the threshold, and nothing happened. I inched my way in and stood in the dark, even longer, until my breathing slowed, and to my surprise, my eyes grew accustomed to the dark. Pretty soon, I was able to explore the old musty boxes, and found pictures of my grandfather, my father's father, the only one in the family that I am like. Seeing those pictures opened me to aspects of my spirit.

It seems whatever the door, whatever our fear - be it love or truth or even the prospect of death - we all have this choice, again and again: avoiding that part of our house, or opening the door and finding out more about ourselves by waiting until what is dark becomes seeable.

 

I really find myself in this position right now. There are so many doors ahead of me that I am afraid to look behind but I am trying to just take one door at a time.

This one is so true for a lot of us I think. Especially where our disease is concerned. We are afraid of what the next closed door will bring. Another vertigo attack? Some new symptom we haven't experienced yet? It's difficult to know whether to face those fears head on or just take each day as it comes and not look too far into the future for fear of what may lie ahead.

 

Whoa, did that bring up a memory!! I slept in the attic when I was a young girl. One night I saw a monster in the shadows. I hid my face under the blanket and everytime I looked out, there was this monster standing there looking at me. I finally, for some reason, just lay there looking at this monster completely still for fear it would see me and come running. But, the longer I looked at it, the more it took shape. What I finally saw was a coat on a rack with an arm sticking out and a hat sitting at the top of the hanger. It was then I was finally able to move, to snuggle down under my blankets and go to sleep. I've thought of that dream at times throughout my life and have tried to allow myself to look into that darkness. Gotta an awful long way to go though...

 

Oh, I'll share the coolest thing. Two years ago, I moved quite unexpectedly into this apartment. I desired to rent only a 1 bedroom, but there was none available. The manager, sensing my pressing need, presented a strange proposal. She would rent a three bedroom unit as a one-bedroom unit. She would just lock the extra rooms, therefore 'technically' converting the space to suit my need and budget. I agreed. For one year, I passed TWO locked doors as I walked from front to back of my apartment. I'd no idea what lay behind those doors; no idea if they had carpet, closets, one or two windows. They were IN my house, but unavailable to me. On one occasion, one of my sons came to visit me. "That is creepy!" he said. "To have dark spaces locked up in your house - damn, that would drive me crazy!" I replied, "No, I've thought alot about it and decided that I am living in a metaphor to life. Each of us has closed spaces "in" our house, but closed off until we are ready for them." A few months ago I decided to rent one more room. It was on the east side, away from the parking lot. When the manager opened the door to the room, I was delighted to discover a very large window, and the sunrises greet me every-single day. When we are ready; when the unconscious, eternal part of us reveals that it is 'time', then we are able to face the darkness, open the door, and breathe. I've one more room to open. Don't we all...

 

Amazing stories ladies... thanks so much for sharing. Very poignant and moving.

 

I got my mom this book for Christmas; we've been reading it together. Amazing isn't it? It's one of Oprah's favorite things .

 

I didn't know it was an Oprah favourite thing! Cool.

 

January 13 - Why We Need Each Other

~A blind child guided by his mother, admires the cherry blossoms....~ - Kikakou

Who knows what a blind child sees of blossoms or songbirds? Who knows what any of us sees from the privacy of our own blindness - and, make no mistake, each of us is blind in a particular way, just as each of us is sighted uniquely.

Consider how each of us is blinded by what we fear. If we fear heights, we are blind to the humility vast perspectives bring. If we fear spiders, we are blind to the splendor and danger of webs. If we fear small spaces, we are blind to the secrets of sudden solitude. If we fear passion, we are blind to the comfort of Oneness. If we fear change, we are blind to the abundance of life. If we fear death, we are blind to the mystery of the unknown. And since to fear something is thoroughly human, to be blind is unavoidable, It is what each of us must struggle to overcome.

With this in mind, Kikikou's little poem serves as an internal parable. For, in the course of our lives, we all stumble and struggle, repeatedly, in and out of relationship, and in and out of the grace of the hidden wholeness of life. It is, in part, why we need each other. For often our relationships help us experience the Oneness of things. We do this, in the course of our lives, by taking turns being the blind child, the loving guide, and the unsuspecting blossom - never knowing which we are called to be until we've learned what we are to learn.