At War With Myself and My God - Please Critique Grammar

Discussion in 'Your Writer's Den' started by Aladdin, Aug 9, 2007.

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  1. amberini

    amberini New Member

    Aladdin,

    I can relate to the freak feeling. I didn't fit in anywhere. My dad was 55 at that time, several women thought he would/should remarry. I would hear him crying at night. He would take me to visit her grave and he would cry. I didn't and felt guilty about that. I didn't have the violence that you had but it would be 15 years until someone told me how she died so I really get the lack of understanding. I guess they all thought that by being quiet and letting sleeping dogs lie, it would all be okay. Maybe I wouldn't notice she was gone?

    Since when did anything get better by being ignored? If people could only understand that THE key to everything begins with communication, without it, there is nothing. Hurt people go on to hurt more people.

    I went to a catholic school, supposedly thats what she would have wanted but I didn't fit in. Teachers didn't know how to deal with me. Mind you, it wasn't like I was a problem, just different. A benign neglect maybe describes it best. They didn't expect anything from me, so academically I didn't learn as much as I might have. I loved to read, that helped alot. I hated my math teacher, small school, had her for 4 years so I failed at math miserably and thought I was dumb. There wasn't any college for me at that time.

    When I finally did decide to try college, I found I enjoyed the challenge. I took math classes and got A's, you aren't surprised, are you? I toyed with the idea of psychology and imagined writing a thesis on the relationships of mothers and daughters. sigh. Was it because I thought I understood crazy stuff? All I can say for sure is I sure attracted people with issues. They ALL wanted to talk to me and dumbass that I can be, I engaged, LOL.

    About the website idea. I have mentioned here before that I was a moderator for a depression forum for a while. You know that in cyberspace you can be anyone and anything, there aren't too many rules.
    So while I KNOW there are thousands of people out there who could benefit from dealing with the loss of a parent especially under adverse circumstances such as yours, I think the idea needs more exploration. IMHO, please understand.

    Just think of your own situation and recall that in a theraputic situation, many things are brought to the surface
    ( old garbage ) that needs to be handled delicately. If you didn't have the benefit of a structured environment, things could get out of control very quickly, leading to even more treacherous grounds. If that makes a bit of sense...
    So being in cyberspace where all the ground can be treacherous, it could be dicey. I have watched people "compete" over who is more depressed...my dog is better than your dog...and it just escalates like a rocket, going where "no man has gone before". oye

    Next week I will begin something I always wanted to do. I have been accepted into the Master Gardener's Program. Not a big deal for any reason except I have wanted to do this for about 30 years. Gosh, does it sound stupid to say it feels like it's meant to be? That's another story...

    I am glad to see your mask lifting ever so slightly, I know its not easy. The healing journey begins with baby steps.
     
  2. Aladdin

    Aladdin Guest

    i understand about the drama/issues with web site - that was holding me back - i don't think i can deal with it

    my sister in law just got accepted into the master gardener's program - what is that? she lives in virginia

    it's easier to help others with their problems than deal with my own - i'm leaning more toward writing a book about mothers and daughters - or something like that....

    thank you for taking the time to talk with me - you'll talk later -

    God bless
    xoxo
    t
     
  3. Cara

    Cara New Member

    Maybe people who have had a lot of hurt and bottle it up tend to go in the direction of helping others. I am very proud of both of you.
     
  4. Aladdin

    Aladdin Guest

    bump = even though I see cara was the last to comment

    xoxo
     
  5. Cara

    Cara New Member

    I so appreciate all the words of support and thought on here. I do have it figured out for myself though. All the things my brother did to me, well........I am still here, he isnt.
    My mistakes in life have been being to trusting, wearing my heart on my sleeve, and always giving someone another chance, this opens the door wide for a lot of pain. I will only go half way now, like I said in another post, those who come into my life and meet me at the half way mark, care.......those that don"t, never did and I will go no further than the half way point. Someone in here once told me they were "well gaurded" they "protected" themself by staying well gaurded, I am taking that advice.

    Thank you Aladdin.....always like what you write!!
     
  6. Aladdin

    Aladdin Guest

    i am sending you a big hug and i will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts

    you are an amazing woman
     
  7. Cara

    Cara New Member

    ;) Everything is good.
     
  8. gardenfish

    gardenfish New Member

    You all are some brave ladies.
     

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