Anxiety and depression, panic and agoraphobia

Hi Intrepid,
Yes, you pegged me, a family doc. I don't know if it helps or makes it worse - the educated imagination runs wild. It makes it harder to just be the patient. And as a patient, I don't think I see or understand things the same way, since it's from a different perspective. I have not done much clinical work in the last few years because of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/depression. I've been teaching small groups at the med school, but in this state that's out of the question too.

I'm having another rough morning. I forced myself out to the garden for awhile, and chatted with a neighbour, but am still quaking. I don't want to take an Ativan because I have to drive to the optometrist later this morning. It (and Valium) make my heart race. They used to help calm me enough to eat, but not anymore.

All that you say is quite right. I am also still having dysequilibrium from my last vertigo episode 4 weeks ago, and I'm sure that sends the adrenaline up. I hate being by myself, and all this is so isolating. Thanks for being here.

 

I want to be put in that coma too. Wake me when it is over... It is getting worse with time.

 

I am taking Clonazepam for almost 16 years now & it is NOT easy to get off. I am addicted. I was diagnosed with Panic/Anxiety disorder & low grade depression Dysthmia, years ago, after my Hysterectomy. The Meniere's makes things even worse. I have SEVERE withdrawals if I do not take that med as instructed by my Doctor.

 

Kayla,
I went with my husband to an urgent Psych Assessment, because the desire for that coma was getting so strong. They put me on Remeron. I slept well last night, and am still moderately anxious, but it just might be the coma I was looking for. They say the drowsiness will pass after a few days.

 

http://www.biopsychiatry.com/inositolvfluvox.htm

 

P.S. The therapist at the urgent psych assessment identified that I might have some post-traumatic reactions to the whole Meniere's episodes. Anyone else have this experience? (Avoidance, flashbacks/reminders, etc)

 

Yes Anne, I have that....I tried to go to the store today, as I no longer can drive. My husband drove me, It felt like I was in a nightmare. The motion of the car, I felt like I was on a roller coaster...trying to walk in the store, I don't know how I did it, or made it out of there.I felt like I was going to fall,.my eyes were so sore......It was so horrible. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up...I hate feeling like this.I only get relief when I sleep.

 

I used to feel, and still do sometimes, that if I could just sleep it away - it'd be alright. Well now I know better. It's gonna be there everyday I wake. I don't see a sudden disappearance of my symptoms just going away. I've got to deal with it everyday. I have my want to's, my need to's and my have to's. It's a priority I've set in my mind and I always hope for and am glad to get to a want to. Some days it works and some it doesn't but I won't know if I sleep through the whole thing. After sixteen years of this disease, I may not have a great working relationship with life but I'm trying everyday to live it.

Anne - I have PTSD but it has to do with some things that happened to me unrelated to MM. I say that to let you know that I understand it even if the cause isn't the same.

 

I also have PTSD, but not from the Meniere's.Been living with it for a long time.The Meniere's is making my Anxiety, Panic Disorder worse and the depression. My outing to try and get some food, took the life out of me. I am thinking about surgery. It is getting worse. I have to explore all options. Partial deafness I could live with, but total deafness?? I don't know...It is like a crapshoot to control the Severe Vertigo, Nausea, Balance issues,LOUD ringing in my ears...I may have to go the ENT Doc soon, as I am getting closer to taking more drastic measures, surgery. I feel like my life has been taken from me.Since I hit my 50's it seems to be one thing after the other...I think this is the worst on my list.At least I could drive my car with my two frozen shouders(left & right at different times), and all the rest of it.

 

Helpful thoughts from my psychiatrist:

In the endless loop between thoughts, emotions and behaviour, it is easiest (not necessarily easy) to break the negative loop with behaviour. What might I do if I were feeling well? Could I try just a little bit of that?

Keep a thought journal. When I'm feeling anxious, I'm to try to stop and write down any thoughts that whirling around my head. (I've found the thoughts are mostly around what am I going to do with the rest of my life, what's the point, what can I do when I am so tired. It's hard to do meaningful work that takes me out of myself when I'm tired, but if I don't have much going on, I am stuck with my miserable anxious thoughts.) What if I take on work that I can't sustain? I hate the feeling of quitting, calling in sick, etc. I try now to remind myself that I don't have to have it all figured out by today. I can take baby steps.

Sometimes it helps. The Remeron is helping some too. Hope these posts help someone else, too. Thank you all for your posts, too.

 

How's it going, Kayla?

 

All these medications to help with the subject topic and yet still, I get the 'feelings'. Example: I had to take one of my dogs into the vet yesterday. One of his canines had a small fracture and the was turning dark brown. Of course I called right away anxious that somthing emergent was going on. I got an apointment the same day which didn't help the anxiety level but I knew it was a 'have to'.

Right before leaving, I started a panic attack because I didn't know how my dog was going to handle the vets office (he's been very few times in his life and those were shots only). I made it there with Marco in tow and we started to go into the office. He had a serious panic attack as soon as we walked in the door!! It was horrible for him but for me, it took away my anxiety because now I needed to be calm to help him through it.

It's amazing what chemicals our bodies will release to deal with a given situation. I wish we could call it on command.

Anne - I get your meaning about breaking the negative loop. It's like doing the same thing but expecting different results, right? I'd like to get to the point that I can change what I'm doing to get different results. It seems everytime I try something new, there's some new obstacle put in my way to block me. I get discouraged and fall into my old routine until I get the - whatever it takes - to get me going in a new direction again.

A thought journal doesn't work for me. Coming on this site and talking through things or just hearing another prespective is my way of a 'kind of' journal. It always helps me to come here and feel the wave of people who know what's going on and get it.

 

Holly, have you read the book Mindsight? Worth reading.

 

I read it last year. I thought there would be more brain science but there was more therapy in the stories. It's an interesting read.

 

Holly, you have to give Marco credit for knowing what to do...I have often felt we transfer our feelings onto our animals...Marco came through for you just at the right time. Yes, I am a lover of dogs...they are wolves after all.

 

Mindsight? I'll check it out here on the internet and try to give it a read. Could you tell me a little more about it? Thanks CGR - you too Intrepid.

Funshine - it was very difficult for Marco but we got through it. I'm gonna try to be cool when we actually go to the dentist soon. I wonder what the smell was that scared him so bad... do you think that besides the smell of other animals, that they can smell the death that goes on in a vets office?

 

Dogs are so perceptive it is hard to say...my Bosco absolutely freaked when going to the vet...I never thought about death...maybe, you could be onto something Holly...there is definitely something about going to the vet that freaks them out.

 

I went surfing a little bit and found an excellent review of the book Mindsight. It was informative and really gave me a good idea of what to expect from reading it. I got a lot from just the exercises in the video portion. It's exciting to hear some sense about how we process our thoughts and how we can change that process for the better. I'm an intuitive type personality and like that so much had to do with connecting the outside of ourselves to the inside.

I'm not much of a book reader as the words blur and my eyes start moving back and forth on their own giving me a bit of a nauseous spinning feeling. I think the only reason I can focus on the computer board so well is because the eye movement isn't so rapid and I can look away as I type without having to read while I write. Of course the print is bigger also

There are a lot of personal issues that I could probably benefit from reading this book - even if it takes a while. Looks like I can order it on line too, which is a good thing.

Again - thanks CGR.

 

Yw. Neuroplasticity is a wonderful thing. You are not what you are today. You are not going to be what you are today. Do the exercises for about 6 months and you'll be amazed at the changes. and you don't have to pay a snake oil shrink a dime for "therapy".

 

No co-pays!! That's good enough for me ;D