I am writing a little book on "simple rules" for a lasting marriage and would appreciate your input. So many young couples get married with such high expectations, only to find that the TV has lied to them and they divorce. The topics are: 1) comparing relationships 2) changing your spouse 3) finances 4) sex 5) arguing constructively 6) children 7) complaining 8) friends 9) grudges 10) fidelity Your input would be appreciated. I have been married for 49 years and my husband and I are always asked, "how do you do it". I thought I would put together some information explaining how we have had a long lasting relationship and include the views of others, as well.
Thanks for the suggestion. I will put that into the section about trying to change your spouse. One can be spiritual and one isn't, but the marriage can still work, if neither partner tries to change the other by nagging, etc. Set an example and it might change, but it doesn't have to be a defining factor in a relationship. I am a minister's daughter and have been happily married to an agnostic for all these years, without it being a problem. Blessings, twinkle
Ever read Gary Chapman's Love Languages? also or along that line: > Filling each other's needs (not talking about co-dependence here) > Effective communications > Agreeing to disagree > Letting it go (not dragging up past mistakes/problems over and over) and moving ahead > Family structure
Wow...what good suggestions you all have! Thanks a million! I hadn't thought about some of these...such a laughter, which is a good component to have in any realtionship. Attack the action of the person, not the person. Honesty is a must...I'll do a whole chapter on that one. I haven't read that book, but I will give it a shot! The reason I am writing this book is because there are soooo many books on the subject that promote some ideas that just don't work! After 49 years...+ dating for 2, my husband and I are best friends, so I feel that I can speak from experience. A counsler who is twice divorced can't have the answers for a good realtionship, in my opinion. Blessings to all...thank you, twinkle
True pardonme, but it has been my experience that twice divorced "marriage counslers" sometimes advise from an anger standpoint, rather than a loving one. My daughter and her husband just went to one that told them that they should never have married...what the heck is that all about!! This couple has been married for 26 years...have 3 grown daughters and 5 grandchildren and the only problem they needed advice on was how to handle a 23 year old daughter that still lives at home and yet, wants to "do her own thing". They had different ideas as to how this should be handled, so they sought advice which in their opinion and mine was a waste of time and money! Finally, they came to my husband and I and we let them talk it out and gave very little advice and they solved it themselves. Blessings, and thanks for the input, twinkle
Good luck with it Twinklenani. Great project. I think the happiest couples have a knack for encouraging each other's dreams/interests (allowing for practicality, but still keeping the dream alive). They can then 'grow' together, not apart ... and keep surprising each other! Lee.
Lay the foundation of your marriage with a good, solid friendship, before the romance begins. Even though the romantic attraction may already be there, focus on quality time that nurtures a close relationship as friends. Friendships are nurtured with genuine interest in eachother...who that person is and sharing common ground. I think too many relationships are too quick with the excitement of the romance, and they don't even know eachother. Instead of the typical focus on getting what we need for ourselves, the focus is on unselfishly filling the other person's needs, and when both do that each person is content and satsified in a very loving wonderful way. Even during times of disagreement, treat the other with respect. Never use hurtful, hateful, destructive words. All friendships are fed by good communication. I think too many people give their friendships outside the marriage more attention and mindfulness and graciousness than they give their own spouses. Quality time...and quantity...vital. Married 27 years and loving it.
