Where to begin?

I was diagnosed with Meniere's Disease about 10-1/2 years ago. It had begun when I was pregnant with my second child. Terrible spins, severe vomiting, loud high pitch screaming in the ears. So, so dizzy I could not even move my eyeballs because I would vomit. At the time I had a 3 year old and could not get up to take care of her. Both she and I suffered. I noticed that my ears felt "full" and hearing was muffled for a long time.

But then suddenly, it all went away. I now know I was in remission for a time. I was having slight attacks and finally my doc sent me to an ENT. I was given all manners of tests, none of which I know the names of but I can describe them. Then all was gone for a few years. I lived life like it should be lived.

Then it happened. I began having a problem hearing, I started to get people to repeat themselves a lot and started turning up the radio, TV, stereo, etc. My husband began to complain because I was asking him to repeat himself all the time. I told three different doctors about this and nothing was done.

Out of nowhere I began having the most severe attacks I had ever experienced. Drop attacks: terrible spinning that lasted for days at a time. Attacks were every day all day for months on end. No doctor would believe me. None would listen. I began to feel I was going insane. Depressed and devoid of all hope, I shrunk down to the worst level I had ever thought I could reach. For a reason I cannot remember I went to the doctor. While in the waiting room one of the severe attacks began. Spinning wildly out of control and praying to God to make it go away, my stomach began to work. "Please God," I prayed, "not here." But there was just where it happened. In the doctor's room, I began to vomit and did so for hours. While all this was going on, he wanted to do a hearing test. I guess I didn't feel bad enough, so we did the test and he then sent me to the hospital to have and injection of Stemitil for the vomiting. It did nothing. Hurting, humiliated, spinning, vomiting and all, I staggered to my van for the ride home. I could hardly make it, stopping to vomit on the way and hearing next to nothing. My husband helped me inside and we set out for home.

I tried to explain I couldn't hear, but again I was ignored. This doctor finally made arrangements for me to return to my ENT [otarlaryngologist], who is a specialist in Meniere's Disease. By this time, I was relying on my husband and my children and relying on lip reading to know what was going on. I would often respond wrongly, and people began to look at me oddly or laugh at my mistakes. Many times I wanted to die, and wished I would -- or wondered what it would be like if I drove into the nearest rock. But for the grace of God and a tremendous fear I never attempted suicide, although it crossed my mind often.

I could no longer tell if my children got up at night or not. What if one of them needed me and I didn't hear them? I was plagued by many such thoughts. At the visit to the Meniere's Disease specialist I was given all manners of testing. This is a husband and wife team. He does all the other tests and she does the hearing, water into the ears etc. When she performed the hearing test, she asked me what kind of hearing aids I had. I began to cry. I told her I had none, as no one would believe I needed them. She comforted me and assured me that would change and I should have hearing aids for both ears. The relief that flooded over me was intense and overwhelming. Finally, I knew I wasn't going insane; I was going deaf. I was sent to an audiologist and had another hearing test performed and was told to go to the Hearing Aid Society for fitting for hearing aids.

Then began the wait. Initially, the wait is three weeks. It was the longest three weeks I had ever had. Now things began to happen in my mind. Will everyone be looking at me? How will it feel to have them? Will I go completely deaf? Most importantly, will my husband still find me appealing? I was only 30 years old.

I was given Siemens hearing aids in April 1994. When I put them in and was taught how to use them, and began to hear sounds for the first time in a long time -- I cannot describe how I felt. To hear the birds sing or the brooks run with water and to hear the kids anywhere in the house. I began to live again. My hearing aids have 4 programs for different situations. I find one works fairly well for each ear and I pretty well stay with that. They are very easy to use and you are given a video and taught how to use them and keep them clean. They cost $1900.00 for two, and here in Canada the Canadian Government pays $500.00 on the first one so they cost me $1400.00. The batteries for them are $5.50 Canadian for 4, and they are required about every 7-9 days.

I still have had major Meniere's Disease attacks for months on end, and then another eight-month remission. Each time, the attacks get worse and my hearing fluctuates each time. I also know now that there is a great possibility that I will go totally deaf. I have already taken the first course in ASL and was told by my teacher, who is deaf, that I was a natural <smile>. Unfortunately, I cannot get any more training in the small town I am in. I hope one day we will be in a place where I can learn to sign more. I live a fairly normal life with my hearing aids, or at least as best I can with Meniere's Disease. When attacks are coming, or sometimes noise in general hurts, I do not wear them. I have a hubby who snores, so being partially deaf is a treat then <laugh>. I still have to make sure the person I am talking to speaks slowly and clearly as the brain has re-routed the avenue through which messages flow, but I can hear them. Background noises still pose a problem as the brain is no longer used to filtering them out. The emotional ride was one which only personal experience can convey. I had a terrific counsellor who helped me through some terrible times. My family cooperates very well. If the kids get nuts I take the hearing aids out and get some relief <laugh>. When I go hunting, fishing and camping, I can hear life all around me. This is a tremendous blessing for me. I dearly love being outdoors in the spring and summer and I will truly miss all these sounds if/when I ever go completely deaf, but I will have had heard them for a while longer, thanks to the great technology of hearing aids.