strangers pass me on the street.
they see my cane.
they stare, looking me up and down.
"what's wrong with her?"
i just frown.

friends see me from fun times past.
they fear my pain.
they step back, they need space to cope.
"can't deal with her"
i just mope.

loved ones visit me, it's been so long.
they see my broken spirit.
they can't get in, my walls are too high.
they stop trying.
i just cry.

i look in the mirror, on rare occasion.
i see a shell of what i used to be.
all my life-long ambitions and dreams dying.
but i can't give up.
i must keep trying.

My transient, intransigent intruder,
please hold your uninvited assaults
until oceans reject lunar commands.
I'll call when you're wanted to add
excitement to a shopping trip
or monstrously dull afternoon.
Of course I will.

Not now! Don't tweak my brain 
with foreign yet internal blips 
that bend the room then force me 
to reluctantly, inevitably, accept 
that you will soon borrow my being 
and make it as livable as a shroud.
Please stay away.

Stop! You appalling, unwelcome thief
who steals my senses then curls and whirls
my surroundings into rampant circlets
which don't complete their ring. 
Must you destroy all my mind and matter 
as you pierce, surround and attack?
I need my bed.

Don't dance ceilings; hold your walls; 
they try to bend and kiss. 
I shut my eyes so I won't see my room shimmer 
or red numbers leap from my bedside clock.
You have won. I cringe into my
pulsing, paranoiac darkness,
vortexed again. 

Bureaus lift, night stands fly, doors are C's.
Soundlessly, waveringly, 
I beg you to go quickly this time.
I curve while I mirror the movings.
When nausea mounts, my wet hands grip 
the crisp edges of my bed. Nothing stops.
When will you leave?

Will you swallow me for mighty minutes 
or hours that disappear in drugs?
Oh no! Now I must get to the john. 
I will peek through coward's lids 
and guide my way with multiple, 
hesitant leanings. Oh God, hold me 
until it goes. 

Dear Silence, my once faithful friend,
how strangely and seldom you come.
Sans signals you conquer warring decibels
with blessed magic stillness.
Please linger so I can relive
how you stayed constant
though I thought you an unwanted weed
in my garden of sound,
seeking all ways and always
to replace you.

Just now, for a nanosecond,
I tilted softly as a Monarch's dip,
afraid I might awaken. Have I?
No! Please hold! Not yet whirring, whizzing whines
that fill minute canals with
oceans and their sinkings;
prolonged pitch pipes
that overwhelm beloved quiet
save for climactic lovings that
mask those amoebae moments.

Please come back.

You came into my life
and disrupted my day
by making me lightheaded and dizzy
but you quickly went away.

Months would come and go
until you'd strike again
and knock me to my knees
and make me ill again.

You played around like that
at least a couple years
but then you came to stay
just when I thought I'd conquered most my fears.

You're with me most my days
and fight you how I try
but in the end you stay
you just cant say goodbye.

My life you have taken
I cannot get it back
Oh how I hate you
especially your drop attack.

I no longer can do
what used to bring me pleasure
ride my bike hang out with friends
the list goes on forever.

My family life you've changed
It's that I resent the most
These are the people that I love
and destroy us you've come close.

However, you will stay;
I've learned to accept that
but I am fighting for my life
to bring my old self back.

So you can stay with me
and give me a good fight
but you will lose and I will win
I'm fighting for MY LIFE.